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Thanksgiving Dad Jokes Offer More Turkeys for Your Family Table

November 20, 2018 by Kevin McKeever 5 Comments

these thanksgiving dad jokes are real turkeys

Thanksgiving dad jokes are among the lamest safest of holiday conversation topics for you and your family to engaging in at this week’s feast. So, as a service to you (and disservice to those within earshot of you), I have scoured the Internet for the best/worst Thanksgiving dad jokes to help you talk turkey.

You’re welcome.

And I’m sorry.

At a minimum, it will help you escape from watching the lip-synching at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade for a few minutes.

Best / worst Thanksgiving dad jokes 

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
A: Drumsticks for everyone on Thanksgiving!

Q: Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
A: Exactly where you left it.

Q. What sound does a limping turkey make?
A. “Wobble, wobble!”

+  +  +

A dad was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for his family. He asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

“No, sir,” the stock boy replied. “They’re dead.”

+  +  +

Q. What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son?
A. If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

Q. If the first pilgrims were alive today, what would they be known for?
A: Their age.

Q. What do you get when you cross a turkey with an ghost?
A. A poultrygeist!

Q. How does a turkey drink wine?
A. From a gobble-let.

Q. Why didn’t the Thanksgiving turkey play in the marching band?
A. Because someone had taken his drumsticks.

Mom: After you take the turkey out of the oven, how long do you let it rest?
Dad: Well, it depends on how tired it is.

Q. What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Your nose.

+   +   +

And finally …

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I told them I couldn’t quit “cold turkey.”

Stay tuned for Christmas dad jokes!

“The Thanksgiving dad jokes are real turkeys” photo by Mikkel Bergmann on Unsplash

Related

Filed Under: holidays Tagged With: humor, Thanksgiving

About Kevin McKeever

Kevin McKeever runs Write On, Kevin Communications in between his duties as an at-home dad to three: boy, girl and canine. He wrote a nationally award-winning newspaper column for The Stamford (CT) Advocate, blogs at Always Home and Uncool and tweets as @homeanduncool. His work has been featured in USA Today, Canada’s Globe and Mail, the New York Daily News, The Huffington Post and landfills worldwide.

Comments

  1. Lee Gaitan says

    November 23, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    I came close to snorting on a few of these. I’m a mom, but these got me.

    Reply
  2. julia says

    November 27, 2019 at 10:01 am

    love these!! taking them to a TX feast and expect to steal the show
    thank you : ) Julia

    Reply
    • Kevin McKeever says

      December 1, 2019 at 11:01 am

      I hope you did … and didn’t get arrested in the process.

      Reply
  3. Michael Kaufman says

    November 28, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    Told ALL of these at dinner. Everyone says they’re “thankful” for you.

    Reply
    • Kevin McKeever says

      December 1, 2019 at 11:02 am

      Please offer my condolences.

      Reply

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