Christmas dad jokes? Seriously?
No, funny. That’s why they call ’em jokes, folks.
C’mon. We’ve done Halloween and Thanksgiving dad jokes already (and we’re bound to do Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day dad jokes, too) so you should have been expecting these.
Thus, through the miracle of Google, we have searched the internet for the best and worst Christmas dad jokes (and some general winter ones, too). Consider these our gift to you. Telling these around the tree will have your family wreathing on the floor with laughter and pining for more. So have a happy holiday season, all, and be sure to enjoy your elves!
Best/worst Christmas dad jokes and puns
Q. Who gives baby sharks their presents on Christmas?
A. Santa Jaws.
Q. What kind of cars do Santa’s elves drive?
A. Toy-otas
Q. How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
A. Only one. After one present, it is not empty any more.
Q. What’s the best Christmas gift for the person who has everything?
A. A burglar alarm.
Q. Why did Santa’s helper feel sad?
A. He had low elf-esteem.
Q. What does a gingerbread man use to keep his bed warm?
A. A cookie sheet
Q. Why did the doctor warn the dad not to eat Christmas tree decorations?
A. He didn’t want him to catch tinsel-itis
+ + +
A couple is walking through St. Petersburg Square in Russia on Christmas Eve when they start to feel something wet fall upon their faces.
“I think it’s raining,” says the man.
“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.
“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He’s always right!” the man insists. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”
“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile, “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
+ + +
Q. Where does Santa stay when he’s on a vacation?
A. At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
Q. How can you tell snowmen from snowwomen?
A. Check for snowballs.
Q. Why is is always so cold during Christmas?
A. Because it is Decembrrrrrrrr.
Q. What did the first snowman says to the second snowman?
A. “I don’t know about you, but I smell carrots.”
Q. What is a snowman’s favorite breakfast food?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
A. Because their days are numbered.
Q. Who is Santa’s male favorite singer?
A. Elf-is Presley.
Q. Who’s Santa’s favorite female pop star?
A. Beyon-sleigh
Q. What do you call a child who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A. A rebel without a Claus.
Q. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
A. He keeps a log.
Q. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
A. Because they always drop their needles.
Q. What is Santa’s favorite state?
A. Ida-ho-ho-ho
Photo by Duffy Brook on Unsplash
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