Christmas dad jokes? Seriously?
No, funny. That’s why they call ’em jokes, folks.
C’mon. We’ve posted so many holiday dad jokes in these parts (coming up next — New Year’s dad jokes!) not to mention seasonal ones, such as these winter dad jokes that you should have been expecting these.
Thus, through the miracle of Google, we have searched for the best and worst Christmas dad jokes (and some general winter jokes, too). Consider these our gift to you. Telling these around the tree will have your family wreathing on the floor with laughter and pining for more winter holiday dad jokes. So have a happy season, all, and be sure to enjoy your elves!
Best/worst Christmas dad jokes and puns
Q. What did Santa say when Dasher and Dancer asked what the cloudy skies meant for Christmas Eve?
A. “Rain, deer.”
Q. Who gives baby sharks their presents on Christmas?
A. Santa Jaws.
Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A. Claus-trophobic.
Q. How does Christmas Day end?
A. With the letter Y.
Q. What kind of cars do Santa’s elves drive?
A. Toy-otas
Q. What do you call a poor Santa?
A. Saint Nickel-less.
Q. How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
A. Only one. After that, it is not empty anymore.
Q. What’s the best Christmas gift for the person who has everything?
A. A burglar alarm.
Q. What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Q. Why did the doctor warn the dad not to eat Christmas tree decorations?
A. He didn’t want him to catch tinsel-itis.
Q. What type of weather does Santa like best?
A. Snow snow snow!
Q. What kind of pizza is Santa’s favorite?
A. One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even.
Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A. Nothing. It was on the house.
+ + +
A couple is walking through St. Petersburg Square in Russia on Christmas Eve when they start to feel something wet fall upon their faces.
“I think it’s raining,” says the man.
“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.
“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He’s always right!” the man insists. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”
“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile, “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
+ + +
Q. Where does Santa stay when he’s on vacation?
A. At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
Q. What do you use to clean your hands when out Christmas shopping?
A. Santa-tizer
Q. How can you tell snowmen from snowwomen?
A. Check for snowballs.
Q. What do Santa’s elves like to listen to while they work?
A. Wrap music.
Q. What did the third wise man say after the other two had already presented gold and frankincense?
A. “But wait, there’s myrrh!”
Q. Why is it always so cold during Christmas?
A. Because it is Decembrrrrrrrr.
Q. Why did the dad buy his child a refrigerator for Christmas?
A. Because he wanted to see her face light up when she opened it.
Q. Why was Santa’s helper depressed and sad?
A. He had low elf-esteem.
Q. What brand of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A. Holly Davidson.
Q. What did the first snowman say to the second snowman?
A. “I don’t know about you, but I smell carrots.”
Q. What is a snowman’s favorite breakfast food?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
A. Because their days are numbered.
Q. Who is Santa’s male favorite singer?
A. Elf-is Presley.
Q. Who’s Santa’s favorite female pop star?
A. Beyon-sleigh
Q. What do you call a child who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A. A rebel without a Claus.
Q. How does Santa remember all the fireplaces he’s visited?
A. He keeps a log.
Q. What fabric makes the best Christmas sweaters?
A. Fleece Navidad.
Q. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
A. Because they always drop their needles.
Q. What is Santa’s favorite state?
A. Ida-ho-ho-ho
Best Christmas Dad Jokes Photo: © Sunny studio / Adobe Stock.
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