For two and a half years I’ve watched my wife change my son’s diapers — incorrectly — and it’s been driving me mad.
It’s not the way she puts the diaper on, but rather the entire process of changing him. There’s no planning, no precision — no art. And the end result is often reminiscent of Jackson Pollack’s brown period.
So to assure that you and yours won’t end up looking like the victims of a California mudslide, follow these simple DOOs and DOH!N’Ts of the dooty of changing diapers.
Changing Diapers: The DOOs and DOH!N’Ts
DOO have everything you need at hand before you begin any diaper change — a clean diaper, wipes, powder, butt cream, a dry cloth, a plastic baggie or dirty diaper bin and new clothes — because poo moves, baby!
DOH!N’T take the dirty diaper away the instant you open it because if your little one squirms out of your grip, you’re guaranteed a fecal fiesta. Sure most of it will go on the changing table cushion, but why let that happen? It’s better if your child’s still-soiled bottom falls back onto the old diaper rather than onto something clean. You already have enough laundry to doo … doo.
DOO give the baby something to do other than … er … doo. Many children lose their patience during the process of cleaning and changing — they wiggle and squiggle and squirm and scream. If you have an infant, hang a nice picture or toy or mobile above the changing table. If they’re older, sing or tell them a story or give them a small toy (one that won’t bonk them on the head if they drop it).
DOH!N’T get frustrated if they can’t hold still the entire time. Get ‘em clean and let ‘em run around naked for a few minutes to blow off that energy. Take that opportunity to enjoy their nude period — and while you’re at it, snap a picture to show their future dates.
DOO wash your hands and rings thoroughly. Fecal matter, in addition to being just plain disgusting, is a common cause for pinkeye and you don’t want that — unless, that is, you’re looking to continue with the art lesson.
BTW, as far as I know, Jackson Pollack did not have a brown period. But if he did …
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jim Hastings is stay-at-home dad from NYC. He originally wrote this for the E xam iner website.