Father’s Day Sucks So Here’s How We Can Make It Awesome

Editor’s note: NYC Dads Group member Doug Moe, a writer and performer for the well-regarded Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre comedy and improv troupe, has just written his first book, “Man vs. Child: One Dad’s Guide to the Weirdness of Parenting,” that we recently reviewed on City Dads Group. To mark his achievement, we are re-running a post he first wrote for us in 2011 on why Father’s Day sucks. Enjoy!

The other parent’s Mother’s Day

Father’s Day is almost upon us again and it’s terrible. It’s so obviously a Mother’s Day wannabe. Without doing even the most cursory internet research, I assume that Father’s Day was created by the Hallmark Company a year or two after creating Mother’s Day.

A couple of execs were like:

“How do we sell more Mother’s Day cards?”

“Maybe make a second Mother’s Day?”

“Hmmm.”

“That’s all I got.”

And then a little later:

“What about a Father’s Day?”

“OK, I guess.”

It’s an afterthought! It’s just like Mother’s Day, but for dudes. It’s obligatory. It’s a re-tread.

Who knows what to do with this day? It’s boring! What do you do, buy flowers for dad? Cook him breakfast in bed? It’s got Mother’s Day written all over it. And just like dads don’t parent just like moms, their days should be different.

Father’s Day sucks no more

What I propose is a do-over. Start from the ground up. Fathers need a boost, a re-affirmation of their dominance and manhood (even if illusory).

I think Father’s Day should be like a Game of Thrones-style Tribute Jubilee! Meat! Games! Bawdy humor! There should be a Testing of Wills. Tributes! Songs of Praise and probably A Nap. In other words, it should be awesome!

Obviously, there’s a lot of room for fleshing out this new Father’s Day. But I really think I’m onto something here.  Is it wrong to want a piñata involved somehow?  You guys see where I’m going here, right? Awesome stuff!

So when you get the sense that your wife is making some preparations for Father’s Day, be sure to clue her into what you want and get your mutton order in for the Father’s Day Feast! Let’s do this!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Brooklyn-based comedian Doug Moe is a longtime performer and instructor at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.  He’s acted on “Inside Amy Schumer,” “30 Rock” and “Difficult People,” among other shows. His writing has appeared on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Funny or Die and Gawker.