We’ve all seen the meme. “This is fine,” says the dog surrounded by flames. But, of course, at one point or another, we are all not fine.
Just when you think you’ve figured out everything that life could throw at you, it hurls the nastiest curveball ever. How we cope with these unexpected transitions is one of the biggest tests of parenthood.
The most recent curveball I faced came streaking from the mound this spring. Our family had just settled into a really good routine. After being a stay-at-home dad for six wonderful years, I’d gone back to work part-time. With this new juggling of multiple small jobs, we enrolled our daughter in daycare.
All seemed well until she was home sick one day, and acting up.
“What would they say if you acted this way at school?” I asked. Without missing a beat, she responded, “They’d hit me.”
It was such an innocuous response. The answer of a 3-year-old who doesn’t know anything’s wrong. But her answer tore my heart in two.
I tapped into all my training on what to look for when a kid tells you something disturbing and did some digging. I soon realized this was no casual comment and no mistake.
My daughter had been spanked at her daycare. She told us that this was a regular punishment for unwillingness to go or to listen when going to the bathroom. We were appalled.
We confronted the daycare and alerted the authorities. We withdrew her immediately and only then did the full implication of this set in.
I was back to being a full-time dad. Our daughter had suffered a trauma, and we had guilt over ever sending her to daycare at all. My daughter was home now full-time, which affected both my son and wife (who also works from home). The stress grew and grew.
And, as so often happens, life follows a successful curveball with another wicked breaking ball. This time it was a series of illnesses, including a truly difficult hospital stay for my son.
So, here I am, still at the plate, two strikes down, still ready to swing. How do I keep standing? I know life’s next pitch might very well send me back to the dugout. I know I’ve little chance of success. How do I stay positive, with a smile and the “this is fine” mentality when there are flames all around?
Coping through silliness
I think the answer’s different for everyone. For me, I knew I needed something to latch onto. Both during the COVID-19 pandemic — one of the most trying of times for all parents, not just me — and this recent spat of bad luck, I found myself grasping for joy and hope. Hope is often portrayed as this flimsy, fragile emotion, but it’s really the opposite. It’s the layer of diamonds beneath the shaky crumbs of insecurity. And my answer both then and now has been silliness and dance.
Embracing the silliness in life is something I’ve written about before. It’s continued to work. Goofy voices (and Mickey and Donald, too), silly walks (Monty Python eat your heart out), or just plain pun fests (pun-ishment, indeed) are all avenues for moving forward. A forced smile is still a smile. And forced smiles do the strangest things. They spread. The more I smile, the happier my daughter is, and the happier my entire family is.
I will interrupt this regularly scheduled post with the important caveat that I most certainly cannot dance. Not even a little, and not even after multiple lessons. But that doesn’t matter. I do dance, especially with my kids. This was the perfect time for Bluey to release that extended version of the song “Dance Mode.” Yeah, it plays on repeat daily now at this house.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m angry over what happened. Furious, even. Yet the rage doesn’t serve my family, right now. And I still have days where my own battery feels low, to be sure. But every batter comes to the plate with at least a little doubt. The best hitters are only successful about 30% of the time, after all. Yet, if you stare down life as it’s winding up to toss another pitch, and truly believe that everything is, in fact “fine,” no matter what flames you’re ignoring, perhaps you’ll manage to hit one out of the park after all.
Ok, maybe this isn’t fine. But it will be in time.
Photo: © globalmoments / Adobe Stock.
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