A few weeks ago, my eldest child did something that made me quite upset. But to be honest, looking back on it now, I cannot even remember exactly what it was. As parents, we have to discipline our kids on a regular basis to varying degrees so keeping track of every occurrence could take up this whole article. But I do know he did something that made me mad enough to stop doing the dishes, call him into the kitchen and angrily reprimand him. I didn’t even see the incident. I just overheard him “arguing” with my wife in the other room, essentially defending something wrong he had done. … [Read more...]
Anger Management for Parents: Prepare for Before, During and After
Think back to your childhood. Do you remember your father’s (or mother’s) angriest moment as a parent? Chances are it’s replaying in your mind right now in vivid detail. That’s because raw anger, while sometimes useful for action, often results in dramatic, destructive and regrettable parenting. As a father of teenagers, I’ve had my share of parenting moments, usually involving a disciplinary situation, when I could have used some intervention. But I’ve also learned a few things about anger management along the way. My first tip would be to think of parental anger as a three-stage process: … [Read more...]
Parent Wrestles with His Discipline ‘Finishing Move’
What is the hardest part of parenting? For many, the answer is smack-down clear: discipline. Why? In part because we live in a stew of philosophies ranging from attachment to free-range parenting, all of which merely season the stock of how we were disciplined (or not disciplined) by our own parents. As the father of two daughters, I have wrestled with discipline issues —especially sibling rivalry — for many years. My struggle peaked a few years ago when I caught myself in a parental fantasy at an unlikely place: a World Wresting Entertainment show. (Some call it “fake wrestling,” but … [Read more...]
Competition Can Be a Dangerous Game in the Digital Age
One night recently at the dinner table, my wife said to me, “You know you’re the reason why the boys are the way they are.” While I might have hoped this was general praise for their overall wonderfulness, I think what she was referring to specifically was their petty competitiveness. As is often the case, our 4- and 6-year-old sons were enjoying their dinner with a side of brotherly bickering. School had recently started for both, and they were arguing over who had received more points from their teacher that day. Our older son’s first-grade teacher uses an app to help parents track … [Read more...]
My Kid’s Failing School: Punishment or Understanding Needed?
The timeout chair had absolute and unquestioned power in our home. Until they were 4, my kids were horrified at the thought of a timeout. But even when the timeout chair didn’t preemptively stop a temper tantrum, it still worked magic. A two-minute sentence of silence in it instantly defrayed the tension. When you got up from timeout, the slate was perfectly clean – no ill will lingered. The timeout chair had many powers, but it had no memory. I miss the timeout chair. Hell, I simply miss the threat of it persuading my little ones to behave better. Unfortunately, no such device … [Read more...]
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