Think back to your childhood. Do you remember your father’s (or mother’s) angriest moment as a parent? Chances are it’s replaying in your mind right now in vivid detail. That’s because raw anger, while sometimes useful for action, often results in dramatic, destructive and regrettable parenting. As a father of teenagers, I’ve had my share of parenting moments, usually involving a disciplinary situation, when I could have used some intervention. But I’ve also learned a few things about anger management along the way. My first tip would be to think of parental anger as a three-stage process: … [Read more...]
Parent Wrestles with His Discipline ‘Finishing Move’
What is the hardest part of parenting? For many, the answer is smack-down clear: discipline. Why? In part because we live in a stew of philosophies ranging from attachment to free-range parenting, all of which merely season the stock of how we were disciplined (or not disciplined) by our own parents. As the father of two daughters, I have wrestled with discipline issues —especially sibling rivalry — for many years. My struggle peaked a few years ago when I caught myself in a parental fantasy at an unlikely place: a World Wresting Entertainment show. (Some call it “fake wrestling,” but … [Read more...]
Competition Can Be a Dangerous Game in the Digital Age
One night recently at the dinner table, my wife said to me, “You know you’re the reason why the boys are the way they are.” While I might have hoped this was general praise for their overall wonderfulness, I think what she was referring to specifically was their petty competitiveness. As is often the case, our 4- and 6-year-old sons were enjoying their dinner with a side of brotherly bickering. School had recently started for both, and they were arguing over who had received more points from their teacher that day. Our older son’s first-grade teacher uses an app to help parents track … [Read more...]
My Kid’s Failing School: Punishment or Understanding Needed?
The timeout chair had absolute and unquestioned power in our home. Until they were 4, my kids were horrified at the thought of a timeout. But even when the timeout chair didn’t preemptively stop a temper tantrum, it still worked magic. A two-minute sentence of silence in it instantly defrayed the tension. When you got up from timeout, the slate was perfectly clean – no ill will lingered. The timeout chair had many powers, but it had no memory. I miss the timeout chair. Hell, I simply miss the threat of it persuading my little ones to behave better. Unfortunately, no such device … [Read more...]
Survive Terrible Twos, Threenagers with this Simple Plan
At times I would just stare at the clock and wonder why the day was going so slow. I had already dealt with five major meltdowns from my 2-year-old since my wife had left for work, and the baby wasn't following her usual schedule either. The "me" time I would spend in the morning at our local YMCA suddenly seemed impossible and I often knew that there would be days where I would never leave the house. Dealing with a child in the "terrible twos" is a daunting task. I would think to myself, "If only I can fast forward to the threes, then we will be out of the woods." Well, that wasn't true … [Read more...]