“You have to trust the other drivers,” my father said gently.With those words, my fingers loosened on the wheel, my shoulders relaxed, and my eyes refocused on the right side of the road.I was 16 and about to take a driver’s education class, but my father and I thought it might help to practice beforehand. (My mother wanted no part of it.) For many teens, it would have been time to cue the father-son tension. But my father had always been laid-back and hands-off, so I did not dread driving with him.Even though this was his sixth time teaching driving to a nervous teenager (I am the … [Read more...]
Dad’s First Father’s Days Full of Giggles, Smiles, Diapers
It’s common for parents to say so but, honestly, it doesn’t seem like just yesterday. It’s far more like another lifetime ago.I now have girls zooming around the neighborhood on electric scooters, working diligently with wires and circuit boards as they deconstruct old stereos, and wearing whatever comes just before training bras. The days of diapers, changing pads and mushy peas are a distant, sepia-toned memory buried somewhere on a hard drive.My early days of being a dad and those special first Father’s Days I experienced — a time when pastel-tinted hand prints, slobbery kisses and … [Read more...]
Daughter’s First Dance Stirs Up Father’s Bad Memories, Good Expectations
That Tiffany song. You know the one. Sixth grade. The first time I stood in close physical proximity to a female who didn’t birth me and in a way that would’ve said, "Hey there, beautiful," if a chubby boy in a peach knit cardigan sweater and a regrettable volume of Drakkar Noir could have emanated such a brand of clumsy middle school pre-sexual energy.These are not the most positive of memories, and only the faintest brush strokes and passing scents remain with me after a quarter century of neglect. These are not memories I’ve chosen to reflect upon often so they spill like rainwater from … [Read more...]
Lessons from Memory: Writing My Mother’s Eulogy
I recently lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. Perhaps the only silver lining was that the disease’s slow progression gave my five siblings and me time to process her death, reflect on her life, and arrange an appropriate memorial service. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. I was honored.Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were “multivocal.” Thus, I thought her eulogy … [Read more...]
Christmas Card Brings Melancholy with Merry
We received our first Christmas card in November. The cover was a photo of the family, all snow and smiles, with a piece of pretty paper tucked neatly inside listing all of the impressive accomplishments that each family member had impressively achieved, followed by their equally inspiring hopes for the future. Everything was positive and cheerful, the treetop glistened, the children listened, and it was just like the one I used to know (according to the chorus).
I had to check the postmark to make sure it had been sent in 2016.Christmas isn’t what it used … [Read more...]