Back-to-school time brings about a plethora of emotions in children: excitement, anxiety, anticipation, fear, among countless others. Sometimes they bring those emotions home with them, or in the case of my son, Nolan, wear them on their sleeve. Those are just some of the stuff, tangible and intangible, your kid will bring home from school, along with:
Germs
Your school-aged kids are to blame for any family illness the majority of the time. They bring countless germs home and, unlike their toys, your kids are kind enough to share them with you and the rest of the family, especially their little brother.
Lice
Hands down the absolute worst thing your kid will bring home in their entire school-aged life. These little bugs are the spawn of the devil and I don’t wish them upon my worst enemy. Maybe.
Leftover snacks and/or half-eaten sandwiches
Not because they don’t like it, it’s just they spend so much time talking/goofing around with their buds that never finish their food. The social interaction is great, don’t get me wrong. And don’t sweat it, if they’re hungry, they’ll eat. Then they’ll ask for a snack as soon as they get home, which you’ll get them, as you eat what’s left of the sandwich you made them. Someone know where the nearest Weight Watchers meeting is?
Artwork
I’m a sucker for our kids’ artwork and now with two in school, there’s always artwork. Nolan’s artwork is pretty regular since he always seems to have time to draw rainbows, or chocolate machines, or ninja warrior-related stuff. He’s also done some pretty cool frames and Mother’s/Father’s Day things as well. We display some of the artwork in the house and I’m planning (going on a year now) on creating a wall for the coolest stuff.
Fundraisers
For the love of God, can we please wait at least a month before sending home the first request for money?! I get that a percentage of the sales go directly to the school, but they’re so damn many of them!
Their friends’ things
One of Nolan’s classmates’ Pokemon cards were in his backpack for pretty much half of last the year and I can count on one hand the number of times he looked at them or even thought about them. But he had to have them and sporadically told us how much he “loved” Pokemon even though he had no f’n idea what the hell you do with them. Also, artwork and classwork mistakenly come home on a weekly basis. And sometimes half-eaten sandwiches that you didn’t make.
Animals
My friend, Leilan, aka Big Kahuna, said the class rabbit was the worst thing to bring home for him since he had a pet-free home at the time and weren’t pet people. And now … they’re dog owners. Another friend of mine mentioned that his kid was sent home with Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches … for the entire summer! F no on that one, for sure. Unless they like half-eaten sandwiches.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ryan Darcy is the organizer of the Hartford Dads Group. A version of this first appeared on Stay-at-Home Dad Field Advantage.
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