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Presence in Your Child’s Life the Greatest Gift Fathers Can Give

June 29, 2017 by James Lopez

seagulls beach james lopez presence
(All photos: Courtesy of James Lopez)

I want to spoil my kids rotten.

But it’s not with all the toys and other materialistic things you might be thinking!

I want to spoil them with experiences and my presence. I want to be there, not just say I’m there or post a dope pic on my IG acting like I’m there.

Is it hard investing all that time, especially after a long week of working and handling other responsibilities? Of course it is, but if I don’t do it who will?

Want to make the greatest investment of your life? Work on being present and loving it. It can take a while, but that investment is one that always pays off in the long run.

My dad spoiled me rotten. He would buy me all the newest sneakers and video games I wanted. But the one thing he gave me the most, which I didn’t appreciate until I was older, was his time.

His presence made a huge difference in my life. The toys, the gifts, all that, were just a quick fix. A gift loses value over time and then you’ll want something new anyway. If we are going to raise the bar every time then it has to be through our experiences and time together.

Avoid guilty buys

#FatherhoodIsLit Presence Over Presents

Have you ever bought your kids stuff because you felt guilty for not being there? We all have done it before, some more than others.

I try to avoid the guilty buys by always being involved with my sons. I coach their basketball teams, help with homework. You know, the things we parents are supposed to do and so much more that I don’t show the world.

I just don’t do it; I try to have fun with it. If it’s something I think would be cool for me to do, I make my kids part of it. I don’t give myself the option of feeling guilty. That feels real good to write. I’m proud to not to be just a weekend dad; instead, I invest year round in my kids.

Real world over virtually reality

#FatherhoodIsLit Presence Over Presents

The worst thing we can do is let our kids grow up in a bubble and be oblivious to the rest of the world. Today’s kids are hooked to digital devices like their lives depend on it. They know what they see on the Net and we all know that sometimes that stuff isn’t right.

Growing up, I always knew there was more than just the block I was raised on and it started with my dad taking me off it when he could. Investing your time off the block doesn’t even have to kill your pockets. There are a ton of free things to do to create really dope memories if you really look. A simple train ride or even a car ride can hook it up.

If you do want to spend a little cash why not try something you always wanted to do. Always wanted to do a rope climbing course or love the arcades like Chuck E Cheese? Than do them! There are no rules saying you can’t have fun while your kids do.

Better yet, start knocking off bucket list items with your kids. That’s how you really do it big. Create dope memories together!

The world isn’t boring; your presence shouldn’t be either. You and your kids will look back and smile at all the cool things you did together. Now that’s winning.

A version of this first appeared on Cool4Dads.

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Filed Under: NYC, parenting advice Tagged With: active parenting, gifts, modern dads, money, time management

About James Lopez

James J. Lopez, a member of the NYC Dads Group, was a co-founder of The Phat Startup and Tech808, companies that help people who identify with urban culture reach for their Silicon Valley dreams. He is a self-proclaimed techie and a father of three. He writes the blog Cool4Dads via #FatherhoodIsLit.

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