I have mentioned before that the NYC Dads Group is a unique and diverse group full of caring, involved, and active fathers. Last week, we posted an interview on one of the dynamic members of our group and it was well received. Here is a “spotlight” on Jeff G. (pictured above with his son Gus), a talented chef, who has been known to bake some amazing cookies for the entire group on occasion. Below is the Q&A dialogue between the two of us.
How did you come into the role of an at home dad?
We’re in New York because of my wife’s job, so staying at home wasn’t an option for her. Before Gus was born, we’d agreed that I would go part time and we’d hire a nanny part time. The end of my wife’s four month maternity leave neared; although we had a potential nanny in sight, we didn’t pursue the relationship. We hadn’t said it to each other yet, but we were both thinking the same thing — “We waited 15 years to have this kid, and now we’re going to hand him over to someone other than one of us after such a short time? No way.” When we finally said it, I resigned the next week.
What is the best part of being an at home dad?
Lots of reasons. Being with this new little person everyday, you inevitably become mates. You’ve got days when you drive each other crazy and days when you are just two peas in a pod. I lay in bed one night plotting a yet-to-exist backyard dirt track for RC cars! You get to see all the little steps that lead up to big steps; it gives me joy to be able share those minutiae of his day with his mom: What was the type and color of his poop, he’s been bah, bah, bahing for two weeks then out of the blue let’s go with a ahhhhhyiii, ahhhhyiii!, or getting a deep belly roll of a laugh just because I rattled a ball I’ve rattled a hundred times to no reaction. You can see him blooming, it’s amazing.
What is the most challenging part of being a stay at home dad?
You’d think feeding Gus would fall under the list of easiest things for a trained chef; in fact, Gus has been my toughest customer. Thinking 10 steps ahead and finding hidden stores of energy! As John S. stated so well, you only get one maybe two shots at getting the “other” part of life in order while your son is napping and it’s pot luck how long you’ll get on any given day so you have to be stealth and speedy. You soon learn that checking email for a few minutes before cleaning up, washing bottles, etc. easily turns into 30 minutes and somebody just woke up! A crawling baby is a baby that needs to be monitored by the second. A nice lady in the park caring for a baby about the same age as Gus put it succinctly “When you blink, something happens!” So, since he was seven months old, I’ve found myself crawling behind Gus a good part of our day — challenging for this 38 year old. My wife and I laugh at the fact that as his energy exponentially increases, mine does the opposite. I think the months and years to come will prove to be more challenging as we try to ensure our lads and laddies are getting what they need from us to grow mentally and emotionally, which has produced thoughts for me like “If only I were a golden glove, Harvard professor of engineering…”
Everyone has tips. What tips or secrets can you share about being a stay at home dad?
Music: On a bit of a whim, my wife started Gus in a music program when he was just 3 months old. It turned out to be one of the smartest things we’ve done; he grew to love the songs and they became part of his bedtime routine. And they’ve stopped a nice share of potential crying episodes during the day.
Food: I cook for Gus primarily because it’s the knowledge that I have to share with him. With baby food, prepared and fresh are on equal ground with a few notable exceptions: shell peas, corn, tomatoes, and any fruit but especially nectarines, apricots, and peaches- In season at the farmers’ market — there is no match in flavor in a jar or in the produce aisle of your supermarket.
New parents have no time to cook big meals. This is a farmers’ market dinner salad for when it’s too hot and you want something cool, refreshing and flavorful.
Late May Salad (makes 2)
6 large shitake caps, finely sliced
3/4-1 cup fresh shell peas or fresh raw corn
1/4 sweet white onion, sliced
1/2 Lemon, juiced
6-8 tablespoons Evoo (extra virgin olive oil)
salt and fresh pepper
Mixed soft leaves such as Boston, Bibb, Butter, Red oak, Pea greens
3-4 mint leaves per salad (optional but good)
-Cook shitakes in 1 T olive oil over med. heat with pinch salt until carmelized and crispy, stirring occasionally. (cast iron works great for this step)
-Transfer to large mixing bowl with shell peas, onion, a good pinch salt, a good pinch fresh pepper and 1-2 tablespoons of evoo.
-Squeeze lemon juice over peas, shitakes and onion
-Add torn leaves, top with remaining oil season with salt, toss, season again.
3/4-1 cup fresh shell peas or fresh raw corn
1/4 sweet white onion, sliced
1/2 Lemon, juiced
6-8 tablespoons Evoo (extra virgin olive oil)
salt and fresh pepper
Mixed soft leaves such as Boston, Bibb, Butter, Red oak, Pea greens
3-4 mint leaves per salad (optional but good)
-Cook shitakes in 1 T olive oil over med. heat with pinch salt until carmelized and crispy, stirring occasionally. (cast iron works great for this step)
-Transfer to large mixing bowl with shell peas, onion, a good pinch salt, a good pinch fresh pepper and 1-2 tablespoons of evoo.
-Squeeze lemon juice over peas, shitakes and onion
-Add torn leaves, top with remaining oil season with salt, toss, season again.
How has being a stay at home dad affected how you feel about other stay at home parents?
I did not really think much about it before becoming a dad. I now often think how illogical it seems not to have one parent stay at home, at least until the child goes to school. This is often an impossible situation for parents in the U.S.; it’s unfortunate that our culture doesn’t support this choice.
When you tell your friends about your situation of being an at home dad, how do they react?
I don’t really get a lot of reaction. I was intrigued at first when I learned of the “daddy movement,” but after awhile I felt like it’s not that big of a leap. All of the guys in our NYC dad’s group share a common element — just good guys willing to step up.
Great stuff Jeff and Gus,
Glad to read you’re sharing the positive effects of music. Food adventures are the best. I enjoyed reading the answers from a willing, loving father who embraces this most special time in life for a family.