Scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day, I found a post that made me both incensed and sad:
Today my 7 yr old nephew was bullied by an adult male member of our family because he has a baby doll. He was called a freak, snide remarks were said to his face, and he was asked how many times he has been in first grade. He was made to feel like he was somehow less of a boy and human being because he has a doll …
The Christmas before he got his baby sister, my ALL-BOY rough & tumble, monster truck loving, camo wearing, hyper masculine, nephew asked for a doll for Christmas. He immediately named it Ben, put his baby boy clothes on it, and has been its “Dad” ever since. He took care of Ben just like he saw his baby sister being cared for. Ben rides in his dump trucks, helps him do yard work, and they pretend to hunt together.
The most bittersweet part is that my nephew’s father has been in jail most of his life. He longs to grow up and be a present Daddy because he doesn’t HAVE his Daddy. Until today he thought wanting to be a Dad was acceptable until a grown man told him that practicing to be a dad makes him weird.
What in the world?!?
Few people have problems these days with girls playing with old-school “boy toys” like trucks, Legos or footballs. On the other hand, many of these same people still have issues with the boys and “girl toys”?
Boys playing with dolls is a good thing
How do we expect men to become active and engaged dads if boys are still teased for playing with baby dolls? How do we expect discrimination and gender stereotypes against females to disappear if we still reinforce those macho, stoic roles for males?
If we believe dads are as important as moms when it comes to parenting then we need to give future dads, not just future moms, the opportunity to practice caring for a little one. Boys playing with dolls helps them break the outdated view of a “man’s role” by teaching them responsibility, nurturing and even making them more open-minded as adults.
Still, I struggled to think of how to respond. I wanted to affirm her nephew’s instincts to care for baby doll, Ben.
While I thought, other comments started piling up on the thread, fast and furious.
Most were like this one:
My son had a doll when he was little. Carried it all over the place. He is a rough and tumble 12 year old now. Who loves babies and will help babysit his cousins all the time. He was teased about the doll and I would put people in their place. Screw ‘em all! Baby dolls don’t do anything for boys except make them more caring.”
In all, more than 100 supportive comments were made, many featuring photos of the writer’s son or nephew and his favorite baby doll.
The next day an update appeared:
To everyone who commented to support my nephew yesterday & today, he and Ben drew a thank you picture for you… And a huge thank you from me. The look of joy in his eyes as I read him your comments and showed him pictures of your boys and partners with their dolls was priceless. He is proud of Ben again and said he is excited that other boys play “practice Daddy” too. So, thank you for helping to give hope back to my nephew. You all are amazing.”
And now I had an idea for my response.
Here’s what I posted on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram:
Every night we sing our son to sleep. It’s always Twinkle Twinkle and the ABCs. So naturally, when we gave him a baby doll he wanted to sing his baby to sleep and when his little brother was born, his first instinct when holding him was to sing him the ABCs.
What a great article! I was a good mom and raised my only son to be a very well rounded grounded man but I will say when he was younger he had no empathy for babies or little kids. Part was he was an only child but part was because he was never encouraged to play with dolls. I think all boys like dolls, it just society that dictates they shouldn’t. Thanks for sharing this Robbie!
I’m glad I found this article my son has been wanting to play with my boy cabbage patch for awhile now and I finally let him play with him. He reads to him and mocks everything I do with him( my son) to his baby.
Dave I also don t in any way want to negate your feelings or experiences. However, I don t think it s fair or accurate to say that a boy who plays with dolls will inevitably be either unhappy or even teased. I think it depends on your social environment, your family, and the time period in which you grew up, to at least some degree. My hippie parents never forced or even specifically encouraged my brothers to play with dolls. They simply permitted them to play with dolls when and if they wanted to and did so with zero judgment. One of my brothers showed no interest in dolls whatsoever. My youngest brother did and even asked for a doll he saw in a toy store. My parents bought him that doll when he was probably about 5 or 6 yo and he loved it! I still remember he named his doll Crystal (so cute!) and used to pretend to feed her, put her to bed, bathe her, feed her, etc. No one in my family had any problem with this not my parents, my sisters, our other brother, or grandparents. My brother had friends over male and female and was never teased about his doll. He took his doll out in public and I don t recall any negative comments and neither does he. My brother is now in his 30 s and had his first child last year a beautiful baby girl. He s an extremely involved, nurturing father and I ve honestly thought that perhaps his experiences with Crystal helped encourage and develop these instincts and behaviors early on! Yes, we had nonjudgmental, accepting, hippie parents and we are also from a particularly liberal urban area in California, so I understand that our childhood was different than most. But that s my point, it s not inevitable that boys will suffer from playing with dolls or that they ll be teased.
As the mother of four sons and two daughters, I can firmly endorse this article. 60 years ago, when I brought a new baby home – I was always bringing a new baby home – I would sit nursing the baby and my five year old son would “nurse” his teddy bear beside me, with no embarrassment at all. It’s what parents do, you know. Today that little boy is a caring husband, father and grandfather – the sort of fellow who has donated a kidney to a friend and is now making sixty calls a day to get out the vote. Think and be practical. How is a boy – or a girl – to learn to be a good parent if they don’t have the chance to try out the role.