Setting Limits With Child Key to Good Toddler Behavior

Editor’s Note: We’re digging into our ample archives to find some great articles you might have missed over the years. This one on setting limits with your child comes from 2010.

A friend of mine recently said parenting really starts when your baby becomes a toddler and starts to turn against you: resisting going to bed, testing what happens when they throw that very healthy food on the floor, and walking independently becomes climbing on the sofa, the coffee table, or the kitchen counter. (Check out our post on positive discipline.) I completely agree!

I attended an informative parenting discussion at the 92nd Street Y Parenting Center in Manhattan to educate and equip myself with more tools to face these challenges. Overall, I enjoyed listening to other parents vent their frustrations as well as share successes with limit setting. The key for me is to understand where to draw the line versus where to let things go. I don’t want to fight every battle and I don’t want to say “no” to too many things. As with teaching and learning, if we get things right in the early years, won’t it be easier to set limits later on?

There were so many key points shared throughout the night. The 92nd Y summarized many of them in their “suggestions to help with toddler behavior and setting limits.” Some are common sense, but together they form a nice roadmap to follow. Please take them more as food for thought than as rules to live by.

Setting limits for child behavior

• Think of discipline as guidance that helps toddlers in their ongoing behavior.

• Because they are changing and growing so rapidly, toddlers need rituals, routines, and regularity — they find this reassuring.

• Let them do things that they can do, even if it takes longer.

• Toddlers need limits to feel safe and cared for.

• Hitting and spanking doesn’t work. It shows kids that it is OK to hit and hurt people. Children will learn more from what you do than from what you say (actions speak louder than words).

• Reinforce positive behavior and try to ignore or discourage unsuitable behavior. “DISTRACT & REDIRECT” — offer substitutions and distractions in a positive way when possible.

• The limits you set should be clear, consistent and as few as possible.

• Make your environment as child-friendly as possible so you don’t have to say “no” all of the time.

• Toddlers don’t like big and abrupt changes. Give some advance notice when you will be changing an activity. Try to motivate them to the next activity by talking to them as you begin: “We’re leaving the park in a few minutes'” and then, “Let’s see what we can have for dinner.”

• Praise them when they follow your limits and encourage their progress.

• Keep bribes to a minimum. Sure, you may use the strategy on occasion, but the pattern can get out of hand.

• Don’t call children “bad” or “naughty.” It may hurt their self-confidence and they may learn to believe they are really “bad.”

• Toddlers learn a little bit at a time and need constant reminders.

• Tantrums are to be expected! Try to stay calm, consistent, reassuring and wait it out.

• Save “time outs” for rare occasions. Some parents don’t use them at all!

• KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR! In the heat of the moment, this one may be hard to keep in mind, but it is so important.

Photo: © luismolinero / Adobe Stock.