Parenting has a lot in common with sports — March Madness in particular.
Raising a child requires the energy and stamina of an athlete, the vigilance of a referee, the devotion of a die-hard fan and the patience of a coach. It’s essentially like competing in a daily, year-long, rest-of-your-life tournament in which your endurance and your wits are constantly being tested, usually by someone much smaller whose butt you may or may not still wipe.
In honor of the start of the NCAA college basketball tournament this week, let us count:
Not-So-Sweet Sixteen Ways Parenting is Like March Madness
- Someone is always getting upset.
- Entire weekends are spent watching other people play games.
- You spend a bunch of money on something that immediately gets busted.
- Surviving the day is mostly about luck.
- There is an astonishing amount of noise.
- You’ll probably end up seeing a Cinderella story or two. And maybe a Toy Story. Definitely Frozen.
- No one wants to listen to you brag about how perfect your bracket/kid is.
- Someone is always trying to steal someone else’s ball.
- Proper deployment of time-outs is crucial.
- You spend all day watching much younger people run and jump around while adults scream at them.
- When all is said and done, there’s a huge mess to clean up.
- Grown men are often reduced to tears by the actions of children.
- You always overestimate how great your team/kid is.
- There’s an entire industry based on “experts” telling people what they’re doing wrong.
- Everything you think you know becomes meaningless almost instantly.
- Sometimes taking a desperation shot (or two) is the only way to make it to the next day.
A version of this first appeared on Dad and Buried.