Over the weekend, my son unleashed his first swear word. The chosen curse was “bitch!” And as far as my wife and I could tell, he didn’t direct it at anyone. He just kind of said it. And it was pretty evident that he had no idea what it meant. But that didn’t stop the household from doing some soul-searching. I curse a lot, but that’s not the sum of my character. I usually curse for emphasis, or for laughs. But regardless of my rationalizations, those words – once so forbidden, both in my home and, more generally, in the world at-large – are a part of my vocabulary. And my wife’s too. … [Read more...]
About Mike Julianelle
Bath Time for Little Kids is a Filthy Business
I hate giving my kid a bath. To start with, baths are nasty. Women may find them relaxing, but the things that make a bath relaxing – i.e. candles; bubbles; not having a penis floating limply in front of you – are not typically things men enjoy. For us, there are no candles or bubbles; it’s just you in a shallow, lukewarm pool of filth staring at your slowly shrinking penis. Which is why I take showers. Unfortunately for my 2-year-old son, showering is not an option. Aside from the fact that most toddlers would slip and fall while wearing cleats on a football field, standing one … [Read more...]
Back To School Days Brings Parent Worries Beyond Readin’, ‘Riting, New Math
This weekend marks the unofficial end of summer, and that means the season of returning back to school has begun. You’re probably knee-deep in it already, as New York City is kind of late to the game every year. It’s finally time to say goodbye to leisurely mornings in which I don’t have to scream at my son to put his shoes on and then sprint to the bus stop. Of course, as my son enters the second grade, I have much bigger concerns than getting out of the house on time. But first, let’s not pretend the kids going back to school doesn’t have its perks. For one thing, the kids are gone! … [Read more...]
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