Last week’s Dad 2.0 Summit included panel discussions with some of the biggest names in blogging, parenting, and journalism. During one of the sessions, the editor of a national parenting publication talked about his efforts to respect and represent dads in the magazine. Where they might have said mom before, they now say parent. Where an entire issue might have been written by moms before, they now have a monthly dad-focused column and the entire June issue will be focused on Dads. All steps in the right direction, and we told him so.
That said, we pushed him a little further and suggested that parenting magazines and parenting advertisers need to consider us as parents all year long. We understand that most readers of these magazines are women. We understand that the products advertised are purchased largely by women. Pick up any parenting magazine and they’ll be advice columns, product reviews, confessionals, etc. For the most part, these articles will be written by moms, moms with their kids will be featured in the pictures, and (previously mentioned publication excluded) the content will be written to moms.
We don’t think it’s good for moms or dads to place all of the parenting pressure on moms alone.
We see an opportunity in these publications to change the dynamic of the household with a change in the tone and presentation of the content. What would happen if moms and dads are contributing parent-centric content? What would happen if moms and dads were featured in the pictures? What if advice was given to moms and dads in equal measure? We think dads will feel more included in the parenting world. We think moms would be relieved to see that dads are engaged rather than feeling all the pressure themselves. We think moms and dads will look at these magazines together, and we think the dynamic between parents will change from a master and apprentice arrangement to a partnership where moms and dads are talking to each other from a point of more equal footing.
If you don’t believe us, take a look at the March issue of New York Family where you’ll find our article, Keys to Creating a Great Parenting Partnership. We hope this article is an example of what we are talking about. It was written by dads, but could have been written by moms. The picture features two caring parents. The content and advice is written to parents, and we’re hoping partners will read the article together.
What do you think?
Thanks for this, Matt. I totally agree. I can honestly say that when I’m writing an article about parenting, I’m visualizing dads just as much as moms. The classes I facilitate are filled with dads these days and I LOVE that. This is so positive for the whole family and *especially* for the child. I’m all for dads being respected as equal partners!
Thanks for your comment, Janet. It comes through in your writing that you have great respect for moms AND dads as parents. One of the many reasons we love your work!
Hear, hear! When I was still a newbie parent and read parenting magazines, I was shocked at how everything was directed solely at moms, in terms of parenting, needs and lifestyle. The approach you suggest is spot on in aiming not for “gender equality” but building strong parenting teams, which any kid would benefit from. Good work.
Thanks buddy . . . exactly the point– this isn’t a gender issue. It’s about parents coming together to do what works for their families.
I agree! Like Kevin, I was instantly turned off when I got my first (free) issue of Parenting magazine, because there were only 2 images of men: one playing the part of a doctor, and one–you guessed it–reclining with a remote control in his hand. That’s one of the reasons I have always gone to the blogosphere for my periodical parenting literature. If there were more men writing for these publications, more men would read them. If more men read them, more men would feel like they were perceived as legitimate parents. A virtuous cycle!
Love that– a virtuous cycle. You should be one of the dads writing for these publications!
I noticed the “anti men” media when I became a father. I see the demand for more content on the web that helps dads and provides advice and encouraging words. Women are born with specific skill sets and the advice out there is to fill in the blanks for women. But men have totally different skill sets. Advice for women might be commonsense for men, but what is obvious for women may not be for men. I think men who are fathers should start publishing their experiences out there for other men to benefit from. I have started doing this myself.
Thanks for commenting. I’ll respectfully disagree that women are born with specific skill sets. In my experience, moms are as different from each other as they are from dads. From my vantage point, neither women nor men are prepared to be parents. We don’t start off knowing how to change a diaper, or feed a baby, or figure out a toddler’s temper tantrums, or which pre-school to choose, or how much TV to let their kids watch, or how to find a tutor for a struggling reader, etc., etc. etc.
Women feel the pressure to become prepared, and they do that by reading, talking to other other parents, and asking a lot of questions. Our point is that men should feel that pressure as well and if we take on this pressure as a team, we’ll be better off, and our kids will be better off.
You bring up a great, deceptively simple point here vis-a-vis how we can begin, or continue, to change the conversation and the understanding of the norm of parenthood and fatherhood: visibility and representation. Mere presence isn’t the end, of course, just the means to an end, and it’s not enough–we can’t stop at it. But to increase the number of diverse voices and bylines, the variety of parents and families portrayed in prose and photographs, is to begin to reinforce, without bashing anyone over the head, our ideals for a world in which we are all seen as legitimate parents and families and community members.
I think you give the magazines too much credit. Saying “We don’t think it’s good for moms or dads to place all of the parenting pressure on moms alone,” isn’t encapsulating what’s actually happening. What’s happening is that magazines are being created FOR moms. Moms are hired, moms write for them, moms are sought out, moms are advertised to. Dads don’t buy them because the magazines don’t want to lose their money. That’s right – it’s not the other way around – it’s not that they don’t write about dads because dads don’t read it; it’s that dad’s don’t read it because they won’t consider fathers all year long. And the content that they do have, as Beta Dad mentioned, is a shitty representation of fathers. It’s not a lovable, respectable, well-rounded man. It’s a doctor, or a suit. Or a guy in an armchair, shooing his family away so he “can watch the big game.”
It’s time to tell these publications – not “good for you for including us more” – but “you see this dollar? It’s yours if you fucking take it!”
Publishers see dollar signs in mothers – and frankly, mothers should be offended by it. They’re being pandered to, just so the ad revenue continues to roll in. Moms love their husbands – and brands/magazines that speak highly of fathers frequently and include father writers make for success.
Magazines about corporate America and Wall Street are demonized when they reduce women in the workplace into a novelty or a “do you have one of these in your office” thing. If the New Yorker had an article that showed a woman at her office desk doing her nails and said “maybe we should let women do their thing in the office,” there’d be outrage. Fathers aren’t outraged ENOUGH that this is being done to them – and it’s because we’re afraid of being called “the oppressor.” Because there’s a strong history of male-centrism in business, and this country had spent a good amount of time subjugating women and not letting them vote, and even now, paying them less, men somehow feel like they don’t have a valid argument that they’re equals in the home. Let’s STOP that guys, and demand it. It’s only right, and our wives respect us more for being equals.
Thanks for sticking with me on this, fellas. In closing, lemme just say: one love, men and women, mothers and fathers. Stop talking about it and start doing it.
Thanks Matt – let’s see how far down this iceberg goes.