There are at least two tried-and-true New Year’s dad jokes in every father’s repertoire.
- Just before the clock strikes midnight, he will swear not to make any more dad jokes for the rest of the year.
- Shortly after midnight, he’ll yawn and say he’s so tired because he hasn’t slept since last year.
Some might even have a third. At breakfast on New Year’s Day, a clever father will claim he’s starving because — yep — he hasn’t eaten since last year.
To expand your inventory of New Year’s dad jokes, we have searched high and low (OK … mostly low) to find the best, funniest, silliest dad jokes to welcome in another 12 months with laughter. When you’ve exhausted this supply (as well as the patience of your audience), check out our winter dad jokes or, if you’re feeling romantic, move on to our Valentine’s Day laughers.
Best (and worst) New Year’s dad jokes, riddles and puns
Q. What’s the one type of pain that’s enjoyable on New Year’s?
A. Champagne.
Q. What did the woman say when she was offered a raisin on New Year’s Eve?
A. “No thanks, I already have a date.”
Q. Why is New Year’s Eve the least favorite holiday of a slice of bread?
A. It has to make a toast.
Q. Why should you always go easy on your drinking on New Year’s Eve?
A. Because you don’t want to make too many pour decisions.
Q. What did one IPA say to the other IPA after the clock struck midnight on January 1?
A. “Hoppy New Year!”
Q. Why did the dad start making breakfast at 11:59 p.m. on December 31?
A. Because he wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
Q. Where did the chef celebrate New Year’s Eve?
A. Thyme’s Square.
Q. What happened to the dad who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
A. He got 12 months.
Q. What does a ghost say on January 1st?
A. Happy Boo Year!
Q. What is corn’s favorite holiday?
A. New Ear’s Day.
Q. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
A. Moo Year’s Day!
Q. What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
A. The Times Square clean-up crew.
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A guy who had too much to drink decided to walk home on New Year’s Eve. A policeman stopped him and asked where he was going.
“I’m on my way to a lecture,” said the man.
“Who gives a lecture on New Year’s Eve?” asked the cop.
The guy answered: “My wife.”
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Q. What do you call a fear of New Year’s songs?
A. Ole Langxiety.
Q. Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?
A. Because he wanted to start the new year with sweet dreams.
Q. Where do butchers go to party on New Year’s Eve?
A. To a meat ball!
Q. Who finds New Year’s Eve most stressful?
A. People diagnosed with “Ole Langxiety.”
Q. Who gets the most excited about the countdown on New Year’s Eve?
A. Calendar companies.
Q. Why is partying in Times Square on New Year’s Eve overrated?
A. Because every year they drop the ball.
Q. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
A. You spill too much champagne.
New Year resolution jokes
Dad: Son, are you going to resolve to quit all your bad habits in the new year?
Son: Of course not, Dad! You always told me that nobody likes a quitter.
Q. What is the snowman’s New Year’s resolution?
A. To chill out more
Q. What was the priest’s New Year’s resolution?
A. To exorcise more.
Mom: Wow, did the old year go by in a blur!
Dad: Your resolution must’ve been too low.
Q. What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?
A. To travel more.
Dad: My New Year’s resolution was to eat only 1,000 calories a day.
Mom: How have you been doing?
Dad: Great! So far, I’ve surpassed my goal every day!
Q. What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more?
A. Turn on your TV’s closed captioning.
New Year’s dad jokes photo: ©soupstock / Adobe Stock.
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