Climbing out of the crib is a sign of a major turning point in your child’s life and yours.
+ + +
For the past two years, my wife and I have been enjoying our sleep because our son was well sleep trained and spent most nights sound asleep in his crib from 8 p.m. to 7 a.m. We did not consider what would happen when our son outgrows his crib and is no longer “quarantined” to a confined space ….
The scene: I put my son, Jake, down to sleep at 8 Wednesday night, which is our normal bedtime routine. The little guy sleeps in his own room down the hall from our bedroom. He is a solid sleeper and enjoys sleeping in his crib. My wife and I are not the parents who did co-sleeping in our bedroom or allow our son to sleep in our bed. So, you can imagine my surprise, when someone was tapping me out of a deep sleep at 2 in the morning, and it wasn’t my wife. Jake was holding an empty box of tissues from our bathroom and telling me that we “need new box of tissues.” Instead of explaining to Jake that I don’t need a tissue, nor do I have to refill the box at 2 a.m., I scooped him up and quietly placed him back into his crib. As some parents know, the game was over for having our toddler contained in his crib every night.
Fortunately, Jake decided to spend the rest of the night in his crib (I still didn’t sleep a wink as I was half expecting him to come back later for another visit or imagined him scampering around the apartment unsupervised). When he awoke in the morning, he decided climbing out of the crib was best, did so and visited me while I was in the shower. As an active father who takes napping, sleeping and schedules pretty seriously, I realized things were not going to fare well for his afternoon nap. The scene here was almost comical: I put our son down for his afternoon nap and watched via the video monitor him climbing in and out of the crib at will … it was a game to him. To avoid injury, I popped the little guy into his stroller, and he fell asleep as soon as we hit the great outdoors.
I was exhausted and fed up that things were slowly going to spiral out of control. We went to Planet Kidz, a local and overpriced one-stop shop for everything baby/toddler. I bought a pressurized gate for my son’s room and a bed rail to keep him inside what would become his “Big Boy Bed” as soon as we got home. I was determined to get back on track with the sleep routine!
I pulled off the front side of the crib and converted it into a “big boy bed.” The next step was to discuss some of my challenges with a friendly and knowledgeable sleep expert, Dr. Whitney Roban of Sleep-EEZ-Kidz. Sure, the door gate made common sense for safety, but I was treading in uncharted territory, and wanted to ensure I was navigating on the right path. Dr. Roban suggested:
- a reward system similar to that of a potty training process to incentivize my son to stay in his bed instead of roaming free in his room all night.
- NOT to put a comfy duvet cover on the floor in case my son rolls off (my intended plan) so his new bed becomes his ONLY sleep option.
How are things going?
Most importantly, Jake’s night sleep seems to be a fairly smooth transition. He sleeps in his big boy bed through the night and goes down relatively quickly. The main difference is in the morning. When he hears my wife getting ready for work, he knows he can pop out of bed independently, so he is up a bit earlier and stands by his door calling for us ready to start the day.
Unfortunately, my son’s nap is an utter disaster since the transition to the toddler day bed. We use the same routine in the past of lunch, books, nap time … only, as soon as I close his door, he pops out of his bed and starts playing with everything in sight.
Day 1: I watched him in the monitor throwing his balls all over the place and then neatly place all 20 of them in his bed = no nap.
Day 2: I tried again to nap him in his room – no such luck! After watching him climb on his toddler guard rail and jump down several times as well as throwing the balls around the room — I scooped him up for a stroller nap — he napped for 90 minutes in the stroller.
Day 3: I tried again to nap him in his room without the balls or the toys he usually plays with — no such luck! He found some other stuff that was entertaining – like his books and stuffed animals. After watching him climb onto his toddler guard rail and use that as a chance to climb over the gate on his door, I threw down the towel. I scooped him up for a stroller nap – he napped for 90 minutes in the stroller.
I have learned a lot through this extremely frustrating nap process. First, my son in still in need of an afternoon nap. Second, psychologically, even though he is exhausted, the freedom of his room during a daytime nap, trumps sleep. Third, I need my son to take his nap so I can have some downtime. Fourth, the stroller works, but what happens in the event of rain or snow: S.O.L? Fifth, I refuse to try to nap my son in his room anymore so he does not learn any negative behaviors that could translate to night sleep. Finally, these nap challenges that I am facing and whining about are not major issues. Most importantly, for the most part, our son is a healthy and happy toddler … and that is what really counts for our family. This phase will end at some point, but I would be fibbing to you if I din’t say it is driving me bonkers.
Please feel free to share your best practices or infinite wisdom on how to get my son to be successful at napping at home again.
Well, Lance, I must say that I feel your pain. I am currently going through the same sort of thing with my 2 year old.
It started a couple weeks ago. He had been in his “big boy” bed for awhile, but just figured out the door handle earlier that week. (We have some pretty tricky/sticky door handles in our house.) He came out of his room and my wife and I were both shocked and unprepared. I put him back into his room and made my first mistake. I read him a second bed time story. As you can probably guess, this encouraged him to do it again. I did not read him another story that night, but I know I put him back in his bed somewhere near 20 times that night while trying various different techniques along the way.
I did not want this to continue. With the lack of sleep I had, I scoured the internet for some suggestions. The one that stood out is the one technique that applies to almost all toddler behavior; ignore bad behavior and notice/encourage good behavior. Basically, this translates to: If he gets up at night or nap time, I put him back to bed without speaking to him or giving him any more eye contact than is necessary. This is not limited to leaving his room either. If he is up and I am aware of it, I put him back down.
As I said, this has been going on for a couple of weeks for me. I would venture a guess that had I not rewarded him with a story the first time he did it (and maybe some other mistakes I made that first night), that he would be past this phase. As it is, he is only leaving his room a maximum of two times during any sleep time, and only does it about half of the time. I look forward to enjoying closer to a sufficient level of sleep in the near future.
I hope this helps and I look forward to see what solutions others have used.
While most of our kids naps were at daycare… Amazingly they can get 20 kids to take a nap while we can’t get one, on the weekends we didn’t even bother to try and nap them at home, it’s what strollers are for right? I know that you are a stickler for schedules and what not but you have to realize that things are changing. The idea of a nap at the same time everyday is a thing if the past unless you want to throw him in the stroller and take him for a walk. If it rains take a nice well needed tour of your building. We always realized that our kids need naps but the idea of stopping OUR day to do it was just crazy. I am sure you will get some “clinical” responses to your issue but you just have to realize that your kid is growing up and does not want to be confined all the time. I could go on and on but you know your kid the best and know what you ate capable of dealing with. It’s time to change the nap routine.
Hey Lance,
You’re giving me nightmares now…!!!!
My 2 year old takes great naps no matter what the time. If we’re home we keep the routine daycare nap around 12-2. But if we’re running around, a car ride power nap can work just as fine and we usually balance that out with an early bed time. Do what works for you!
And as far as the crib, we just changed our son’s into a toddler bed because he can do a standing split to get his leg over the daggone rail!!! LOL
I went through something similar when my son was about 2.5. He stopped napping in the afternoons last October, even though he still needed the sleep. I continued putting him in his crib every day at naptime because I need the downtime (I have a 4.5 y/o son who is in his own room and understands “quiet time”).
So one day, 2.5 figures out how to get out of his crib. Opens his door. Comes downstairs. I immediately put a gate on his door but he would just stand there, hollering. One day, at my wit’s end, I tried rocking him and he went to sleep. I brought him downstairs and let him have his nap on the couch, so that I would see him if he woke and help him get him back to sleep.
We did this for a few weeks. It was imperfect because we were still in the same room and I couldn’t do stuff like clean the kitchen, but it was better than nothing.
It took a while (2 wks) to get him to nap properly again because he was so sleep deprived from the month of no napping. Eventually he did sleep for 90 minutes again. Just a couple of weeks ago I tried putting him in his crib after I rocked him to sleep and he stayed asleep. And when he woke up – he just stood there. He had forgotten how to climb out, or it no longer appealed to him.
Someday soon I hope to put him in his crib awake at naptime and have him go to sleep but I have my doubts.
I guess the sum of my message is: make sure he gets the nap, by any means necessary. Stroller walk, (I know, you don’t get any downtime, but it’s good exercise?) or rocking chair, or whatever, but if he misses too many naps it really screws with the whole schedule. If you can get him a regular nap by any means necessary, eventually he will go back to “bed is for sleeping.” And might even forget that he ever thought anything different.
Lance,
Yes I know it’s maddening. The reclining stroller is great to nap inas you know. During this stage I put my little tiny cutie in the stroller, crying or not, and proceeded with the normal “going out for a walk” routine. Sometimes little tiny cutie would fall asleep before I left the building, or before I crossed the street, or 2 blocks later. Reclined the stroller, with a blanket, and went back home for down time. She slept in stroller in the room perfectly. Either way the investment of time was small.
What is going to change is the “tired nap time”. So you may need to continue with your attention, game playing, book reading further into the afternoon so he gets tired and finds the stroller very comfortable.
Get desk top fan for your son’s room to create white noise, and turn it on before you leave for your walk.
thanks for all of the sound advice. First, it’s nice to hear that I am not alone on this journey. Second, I like the advice of @cheesefairy -getting my little guy to “nap by any means necessary” because he truly does need it. He is a different personality without the nap + he naps at his daycare two days per week so I would like to keep things consistent. @Patrick – yep, I have been strolling aroound the block for a bit until he snoozes and then wheeling him into our lobby so at least I can get some downtime.
I need to try a few other experiments – using pack and play in my bedroom where it is a change of scenery and darker than rest of apartment (although if he wants to, he can climb out)…but worth a try. I might also try the couch as it seems like it works for a few of you as well as some other friends I have consulted.
Keep the comments coming in the future…
I have read other post and solutions, such as using a the Zipadee-Zip (sleeping suit, swaddle blankets, etc) in a crib, to allow babies to actually sleep in the crib. What are your thoughts on co-sleeping with a child and both parents?
My son just crawled out of his crib for the first time today so I’m walking into this same situation. He’s not even two yet so I’m a little disappointed. Maybe even slightly regretting all that positive encouragement on the playground. He’s never been big on napping in his crib but I can tell him “Go to sleep” and he will grab a blanket and hit the couch. The crib was the safe long night sleep spot. The only piece of furniture that allowed me to shower knowing if he did wake up he couldn’t get out and kill himself. A moment of silence for that lost solitude.
I was on this site last week. My son started climbing out of his crib and he’s only 12 months. Seems too soon. Anyway, my wife found this website (littlegrounders – dot – com) that sells these clever pj’s that help stop kids from climbing out. Worked like a charm. We even bought a pair for my sister who has 15 month twins that just started trying to climb out (not successful yet). Back to finally getting some sleep.
These were AMAZING. They worked perfectly. Thank you! Such a great idea these little grounders. Who would’ve thought!