Is there a better way to honor the Founding Fathers than by telling Fourth of July dad jokes?
Probably. But humor us. It’s Inde-pun-dence Day!
This latest dose of holiday-themed fatherly humor consists of the best (but mostly worst) dad jokes, riddles and puns related to July Fourth, the American Revolution, fireworks, flags and Paul Revere’s pets. If you don’t like them, blame the Internet pages where we found them.
By the way, history failed to record who told the first dad joke in the United States, but we’d put a dollar on George Washington. After all, he is the Father of Our Country.
So now listen, my children, and you shall hear of the …
Best (worst) general Fourth of July dad jokes
Q. Why aren’t there any Fourth of July knock-knock jokes?
A. Because freedom rings.
Q. How did the unexpected guest greet his grilling host at the July 4 barbeque?
A. “Fancy meat-ing you here.”
Q. Which flag has the highest Yelp rating?
A. The U.S. flag. It has 50 stars!
Q. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
A. Because she can’t sit down.
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My wife wanted to skip the big BBQ party in order to watch the July 4 parade instead. I told her that would be a big missed-steak.
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Q. What do Santa Claus and a flag have in common?
A. They both hang out at a pole.
Q. What did one flag say to the other flag?
A. Nothing. It just waved.
Q. What did Polly The Parrot want for the Fourth of July?
A. A firecracker.
Q. What do you call a snowman on the Fourth of July?
A. A puddle.
Q. What do the American flag and a sad candy cane have in common?
A. They’re both red, white and blue.
Q. What’s a firecracker’s favorite summer treat?
Q. Why don’t firefighters get the Fourth of July off?
A. Because fire works.
Best (worst) patriotic/Revolutionary War humor
Q. What was the favorite food of General Washington’s army during the Revolutionary War?
A. Chicken Catch-a-Tory.
Q. What was all the rage at the Colonists’ Cotillion of 1776?
A. Doing the Indepen-dance.
Q. Which colonists told the most dad jokes?
Q. What do you get when you cross a finely dressed, patriotic American with a curly-haired dog?
A. A Yankee Poodle Dandy.
Q. Was the Declaration of Independence signed in Philadelphia?
A. No, it was signed in ink.
Q. Seriously, where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A. On the bottom!
Q. What’s the name of the cat who famously yelled, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”?
A. Paw Revere.
Q. Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
A. Yeah, it cracked me up!
Q. What ghost haunted King George III?
A. The Spirit of ’76!
Q. What did King George III think of the colonists?
A. He thought they were revolting.
Q. Why are early Americans like ants?
A. Because they lived in colonies.
Q. What do you call an American Revolutionary War cartoonist?
A. A Yankee Doodler
Q. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
A. One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.
Q. Where did George Washington keep his armies?
A. In his sleevies.