By the time I decided to become a father, I knew the kind of dad I wanted to be. One who was present. One who there to see my daughter grow. A dad who changed diapers, took her to playgroups, did school runs, helped out in class, and was generally immersed in family life. I was lucky enough to live this as a stay-at-home dad for five years, before returning to work. I don’t know where this idea of being this kind of dad came from. It certainly wasn’t from my own father, who was far from being present, and certain wasn't my role model. I still maintain that seeing the movie Mr. Mom at a … [Read more...]
Flight from Family for Work Not One of Fancy
We are each a collection of stories and the hot air that spins them. We are all experience stuffed inside a carry-on, the breathing baggage of merely existing. Even the tales we don't tell still hold value, as does every strip of sinew. Connectivity is the byproduct of existing, and some episodes are meant for moving all the pieces. Today I am traveling, and my pieces move accordingly. For instance, the tray table zigs when I zag, its frame imprinted upon my legs, my arms adhered tightly to my sides by a paste of sweat and stranger. The turbulence is steady. I can touch the bathroom … [Read more...]
Stopping for Beers on a Tuesday Evening
“Tuesday,” I repeated, my voice rising quickly on the last syllable, a vocal jump toward the edge of inquiry. “Did you say Tuesday?” I asked, now fully committed to the line of questioning. “Sure,” he said. “I’ll pick you at 7.” I put it on my calendar. I checked again to make sure the day was right. Then I started wondering what Wednesday would be like. Would I find the strength to carry on? Honestly, I don’t know why the idea of grabbing a beer with a friend on a Tuesday night registered the way it did. I’ve done social things on plenty of Tuesdays. And there’s a fairly good chance … [Read more...]
At-Home Dad Struggles with Becoming ‘Just Another Working Parent’
Editor's note: This guest column is being run anonymously to be sensitive to the author's internal debates with himself and verbal ones with his partner over his difficulty returning to the workforce after years as an at-home father. I’ve been teaching my daughter recently about the concept of something being bittersweet -- of the same thing being simultaneously happy and sad. That’s because, right now, I’m going through a bittersweet experience. After years of being an at-home father to my daughter, I’ve returned to work full-time, and I am both delighted and despondent about … [Read more...]
Bumpy Transition from Stay-at-Home Dad to Return-to-Work Dad
My youngest starts kindergarten this fall. It's the end of the Daddy Era and there has been some pushback. I began to dip my toes in the job market earlier this year. It's more of a casual browsing and applying for positions that interest me. Yet, the refrain from my kids is still: "No, we don't want you to work!" As luck would have it, I found a part-time gig. I work a few days a week at a local nonprofit that manages the historic preservation of a few of Chicago's architectural treasures. It lets me collect a paycheck without jumping into the deep end of the work pool. I get to educate … [Read more...]