Got teen daughters? If so, then you know you don’t always see eye to eye with them. In fact, sometimes it feels more like an eye for an eye. During those times, my coping mechanism of choice is to read, read and read some more in hopes of finding solutions — or at least a bit of relief. My latest dose of support came from Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, a new book by Lisa Damour. The book has many nuggets of wisdom, but one in particular hit me hard: the need for parents to constantly strive to validate teen girls' perspectives, even though that … [Read more...]
Teen Angst: Where Has All the Blog Fodder Gone?
When our youngest son turned 13 a couple of weeks ago he was officially engulfed in teen spirit, embracing it wholly, eye rolls and all. Granted, the smell of it had moved in several months before, body spray in a hoodie, and the attitude arrived even earlier. His birthday completed the set: two teenage boys sharing a bathroom and little else, save their love of pets and parents. They are, for the most part, free to choose their own adventures. There was a time that I would chronicle all of it -- the love and the loss, the raw and the perfectly flawed. I would put their stories to the … [Read more...]
College Drop-Off of Firstborn Leaves Parents Wondering, Worrying
“Thickly Settled.” That’s the road sign that appeared as my wife and I drove around the Massachusetts town where we had just moved our oldest child into her college dormitory. I had never seen such a sign, but my first thought was how “thickly settled” my heavy heart had been all weekend. I knew drop-off would be bittersweet, but the crowded mix of contradictory emotions that had taken up residence in me kept shifting through pride, sadness, joy and fear. Upon second thought, I realized the opposite: my heart was “thickly unsettled.” But I found the metaphor of a family as a … [Read more...]
College Search Tips for Helping You, Your High Schooler Find the Right ‘Fit’
Hear that collective sigh? That's the sound of high school seniors — and their parents — finally finishing the often years-long college search process. Fortunately, my oldest daughter recently found the right “fit,” a buzzword guidance counselors emphasize for good reason. For many, though, the process can be quite stressful. Here are five big-picture college search tips from the trenches for you and your children. College search tips No. 1: Conduct an 'I-search' before research Long before visiting campuses, encourage your son or daughter to pay attention to what interests them. How do … [Read more...]
Teen Daughter Approaches Crossroads of Adulthood, Childhood
It’s often described as a tightrope, but that’s not terribly accurate. There is no risk of falling off either side. This period of life, the immeasurable, undefinable, delicate space between childhood and young adulthood, is more akin to finding yourself in the middle of a meadow. It can be peaceful and pleasant but also foreboding. All depends on the direction of the wind and the light or absence thereof. The meadow in the midst of youth and growing up is a vast space between two distinctly different environments: to the left, the lush forest up ahead with flora and fauna but with less … [Read more...]