When Chris and I first got married, I was charmed and amused by the notion that I, a man-person, now had a Husband. I had a Husband while simultaneously being a Husband myself. My inner child loved it, finding it both weird and silly. That kid voice in my head actually giggled: "He's your HUSBAND? But you're both boys!" It was unusual, and extremely pleasing, to talk about my Husband, rather than my Partner. And way better than talking about my Boyfriend. I also realized how much I enjoyed hearing myself being referred to as Husband once again, in this new chapter of my … [Read more...]
Blending Families of Different Races Brings Challenges, Blessings
Successfully blending families through a new marriage requires a lot of patience with the all issues that arise for stepsiblings, stepparents, stepchildren and, many times, ex-spouses. When blending families also means blending race, as my family is, it becomes a balancing act. My wife is white and I am black. From my previous marriage, I have three kids who are of mixed race, black and white. My wife has two boys who are white, also from a previous marriage. This creates a unique dynamic. While many people can forget the differences they see in other races and cultures throughout the day … [Read more...]
Divorced Dad Worries about Legacy of Loving Left for Sons
I see what I want for my own children: always to have love in their lives ... whether that be in a monogamous, lifelong relationship or whether their evolutions take them on journeys with multiple partners — or other forms I can’t even imagine. _____________ I have been to a couple of weddings in the past few months. As one who has been married and divorced twice, I have felt myself wince each time when the couples pledged to be together for life. The wince registers on many levels. An abiding sense of failure on my part, particularly with my second marriage. I have two sons, now ages 10 … [Read more...]
When My Child Becomes Our Child
Editor’s Note: City Dads Group is proud to occasionally feature writing from members of The Handsome Father, a support community that helps connect, prepare and inspire gay fathers. In this piece, Patrick Roth writes about letting his new husband into his daughter's life. I was a single parent during my daughter’s preschool years. It was a period of transition for us. We moved from the West Coast to the Midwest, contracted to build our first house and learned to live with the new dynamic of single dad and his little girl. I can remember tucking her in, reading bedtime stories and … [Read more...]
Coming Out Openly, Honestly and No Longer Alone
Five years ago when I was 40, I came out. It was a rough process, to the say the least. Coming out at that age means dealing with a lot of emotional baggage, especially if you’ve been living a publicly straight life up until then. Coming out at 40 meant not just starting a new chapter in my life, but actually rebooting my life altogether. My biggest goal was to come out responsibly. That meant being sensitive to my family and long-time friends, not all of whom might be comfortable with the idea of Straight Me becoming Gay Me. About three weeks after I came out to the people in my … [Read more...]