I am going through a long and sentimental (bordering on mawkish) ending of sorts that involves a 20-year-old Coleman pop-up camper. My wife and I bought it new just after we were married, well before we had the twins, well before I ever dreamed that was on the horizon. It’s old and worn now, ravaged by time and memory, many miles and many backyard sleepovers. I am trying to figure what to do with it as it’s barely roadworthy. We were so delightfully young and naive when we were purchasing it. We spent weeks looking at floor plans, considering size and amenities, finally deciding on a … [Read more...]
Turn ‘Disorders’ into Gifts that Create Stronger Children, Parents
I remember sitting in my therapist’s office after I learned I was going to be a father. I had overwhelming feelings of fear, wonder, powerlessness, joy, fearfulness, gratitude and defensiveness. As I discussed these emotions with my therapist, I couldn’t help but think about the struggles the men in my life have had being fathers. Alcoholism. Sex addiction. Unfaithfulness. Abuse. Anger. Divorce. Brokenness. The examples I had around me as fathers were men who said things but didn’t follow through. They meant well but their actions showed something different. My therapist then shared … [Read more...]
Fathers Celebrated for Mountains of Worthwhile Life Advice
“Don’t be daft!” That’s one of the most memorable fatherly mantras from my childhood. It came courtesy of Jerry, the father of Tim, one of my best childhood buddies. I was lucky enough to grow up with about a dozen close friends, and Tim’s house was often our headquarters, thanks in part to his beloved father. At first, I didn’t know what “daft” meant. But since Jerry would usually bellow the words half-jokingly after some of our shenanigans, I learned it meant “foolish” or “silly.” Jerry died years ago, but his mantra returned recently as I packed for a trip to Folly Beach, S.C. That … [Read more...]
Family Bloopers Should Be Savored, Preserved for Later
“Dad, tell that story again about the time I stabbed you.” My younger teen daughter, Lindsay, makes this request every few months or so with a giggle. And while she’s the villain of the story, it also features one of my not-so-flattering moments as a parent — one of those many bloopers that all families experience when things don’t go as planned. At age 4, Lindsay attended a summer art class that she absolutely loved. When my older daughter, Lauren, and I went to pick her up from class one day, only Lindsay and the teacher remained. She was not quite finished with her art … [Read more...]
Lessons in Memory: Writing My Mother’s Eulogy
I recently lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. Perhaps the only silver lining was that the disease’s slow progression gave my five siblings and me time to process her death, reflect on her life, and arrange an appropriate memorial service. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. I was honored. Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were “multivocal.” Thus, I thought her eulogy … [Read more...]