I remember sitting in my therapist’s office after I learned I was going to be a father. I had overwhelming feelings of fear, wonder, powerlessness, joy, fearfulness, gratitude and defensiveness. As I discussed these emotions with my therapist, I couldn’t help but think about the struggles the men in my life have had being fathers. Alcoholism. Sex addiction. Unfaithfulness. Abuse. Anger. Divorce. Brokenness. The examples I had around me as fathers were men who said things but didn’t follow through. They meant well but their actions showed something different. My therapist then shared … [Read more...]
Fathers Celebrated for Mountains of Worthwhile Life Advice
“Don’t be daft!” That’s one of the most memorable fatherly mantras from my childhood. It came courtesy of Jerry, the father of Tim, one of my best childhood buddies. I was lucky enough to grow up with about a dozen close friends, and Tim’s house was often our headquarters, thanks in part to his beloved father. At first, I didn’t know what “daft” meant. But since Jerry would usually bellow the words half-jokingly after some of our shenanigans, I learned it meant “foolish” or “silly.” Jerry died years ago, but his mantra returned recently as I packed for a trip to Folly Beach, S.C. That … [Read more...]
Family Bloopers Should Be Savored, Preserved for Later
“Dad, tell that story again about the time I stabbed you.” My younger teen daughter, Lindsay, makes this request every few months or so with a giggle. And while she’s the villain of the story, it also features one of my not-so-flattering moments as a parent — one of those many bloopers that all families experience when things don’t go as planned. At age 4, Lindsay attended a summer art class that she absolutely loved. When my older daughter, Lauren, and I went to pick her up from class one day, only Lindsay and the teacher remained. She was not quite finished with her art … [Read more...]
Lessons in Memory: Writing My Mother’s Eulogy
I recently lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. Perhaps the only silver lining was that the disease’s slow progression gave my five siblings and me time to process her death, reflect on her life, and arrange an appropriate memorial service. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. I was honored. Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were “multivocal.” Thus, I thought her eulogy … [Read more...]
12 Life Lessons Learned from My Father
Dad lessons -- they special things that fathers pass on to sons. Here's an even dozen I've learned over the years. 1. Love your family with all your heart and soul because they are the only ones you get in life and life is fleeting so enjoy every moment. 2. Life is better when you carry around a balled up paper towel in your hand because you never know when you are going to need one. 3. Toothpicks should be carried with you at all times. 4. “The trip is not over until you have unpacked.” 5. There is no such thing as “too much” outdoor illumination when it comes to Christmas … [Read more...]