The distance between them is a mix of years and meters, measures in degrees of space and sound and time. Two boys joined at the bloodline, bound by fate and floor plans, my sons have shared a bedroom from the beginning, their bunked barracks always a common ground. That changed last week. For the first time ever, the boys are each in their own room. They believe they have gained freedom and independence, which is true. But I cannot help fear a paradise lost in nightly confidants and the whispers between them. Also, a place for potential guests should any care to visit. This change in the … [Read more...]
Stopping for Beers on a Tuesday Evening
“Tuesday,” I repeated, my voice rising quickly on the last syllable, a vocal jump toward the edge of inquiry. “Did you say Tuesday?” I asked, now fully committed to the line of questioning. “Sure,” he said. “I’ll pick you at 7.” I put it on my calendar. I checked again to make sure the day was right. Then I started wondering what Wednesday would be like. Would I find the strength to carry on? Honestly, I don’t know why the idea of grabbing a beer with a friend on a Tuesday night registered the way it did. I’ve done social things on plenty of Tuesdays. And there’s a fairly good chance … [Read more...]
Friendship Worth Spanning Distance, Damning Expense, Braving Cold
Friendship: What is it? Where do we find it? How do we keep it? According to Facebook, a friend is someone we may have met for a minute, added to a list and left to the algorithm. According to Marc Antony in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, friends (like Romans and countrymen, respectively) tend to lend their ears and are often prone to peer pressure. According to my youngest son, friendship is a compass that points to where your heart is, regardless of time or distance. Sorry, Bill, but I’m with the kid on this one. “I’m not tired,” said that same kid, lying through his eyelids, … [Read more...]
Being a Dad Amplifies Isolation of At-Home Parenting
We all want our day in equality court. But I have lived a sheltered life away from the judgment of societal norms, so I had no idea my first experience requiring it would come as stay-at-home dad when I was shunned at the playground … by moms. It was a brisk morning for April in Texas. I arrived at the local playground and felt a sobering chill go down my spine. Per usual, I was putting on an impressive dad-ing display when two, seemingly innocuous, moms approached. My kids jumped out of their skin at the sight of other children to play with and darted to greet them. I helped my children … [Read more...]
You Can Have It All: Parenthood and Social Life Possible
Prior to becoming a dad, I worried about the effect this new role would have on my relationships – the one with my wife and also with my friends. It didn’t take too long to learn that worrying is as much a part of new parenthood as sleepless nights, dirty diapers and repeatedly singing dull lullabies to soothe the crying baby. Some of these worries are just the result of our own “mental mushrooming” – it’s easy to blow things out of proportion since everything is so new. Then again, some fears are completely valid. Among them are the changes to one’s social life. As scary as it seemed in … [Read more...]