With our second child due soon, my wife’s friends are planning to throw her a "sprinkle," which is the name of a smaller, not-your-first-kid baby shower and a word I will spend the rest of my life trying to avoid saying. As one does when generous friends plan to ease the stress and expense of preparing for a major life-changing event, my wife has started a baby shower registry. I have not seen this registry, and I may never see it. I may even be fabricating the fact that she even started one. I haven’t been paying attention. Regardless, I decided to write a baby shower wish list of … [Read more...]
My Father, My Self, and My Boys
Until my own first child was born 12 years ago, fatherhood was just what my dad did, and all I had ever done was take it for granted. My earliest memories are of sitting on a shrinking lap, a slice of jean-covered thigh quickly losing ground between the random growth spurts of a lanky boy and the constant expansion of an ex-smoker’s belly. I sat there for years sharing tickles, snacks and forgotten conversations. There was a montage of facial hair, and I was captivated by its splendor or the sudden lack of it. Everything was long legs and gangly tussles, and I nestled happy in the swell of … [Read more...]
My Dad Was Fatherless, My Son Won’t Be
When my dad was 1 year old, his father Eddy abandoned his mother and three kids (he was the youngest). I'm not sure why he left. He clearly wasn't happy. I asked my grandmother about it years later, and she said she was not an easy person to live with. That may be, but leaving your kids -- I just can't fathom it. I can understand the urge to leave, and I can imagine leaving, but I can't imagine actually leaving. Years later, Eddy made contact with my dad, trying to repair the relationship. My dad refused to see him. He felt that wound deeply. I had a pretty good relationship with my … [Read more...]
Waterskiing Bonds Generations of Dads, Sons
Before I was born, my parents lived in Charleston, S.C. Dad flew C-141s there, and they had a boat and several sets of wooden water skis. Dad would go waterskiing, doing slalom. Mom would drive the boat. Then, they'd switch places, and he'd pull her on a pair of skis. A few years later, I came along, and two years after that, my little brother. We never got to live in Charleston, but every summer, we'd get together for a week with two other couples my folks knew from the Air Force, and we'd spend a week on a lake in South Carolina or Alabama skiing and fishing. I was always amazed to watch … [Read more...]
Lessons Moms Learned from Their Dads, Part 2
Editor’s Note: To celebrate Father’s Day, we asked some moms we dig what was the greatest lesson their dads taught them that they abide by in raising their own children. Here are the second batch of lessons moms learned; the first series of responses ran on Tuesday. Lessons Moms Learned: Be present, be kind, listen My father has always been there for me, no matter what. His genuinely unconditional love taught me how to accept children for who they are. Value them as individuals. That means hiking with one, cooking with another. He taught me that being kind and being there to listen … [Read more...]