Five years ago when I was 40, I came out. It was a rough process, to the say the least. Coming out at that age means dealing with a lot of emotional baggage, especially if you’ve been living a publicly straight life up until then. Coming out at 40 meant not just starting a new chapter in my life, but actually rebooting my life altogether. My biggest goal was to come out responsibly. That meant being sensitive to my family and long-time friends, not all of whom might be comfortable with the idea of Straight Me becoming Gay Me. About three weeks after I came out to the people in my … [Read more...]
Baby Shower Registry, Designed by Dad (and Mostly for Dad)
With our second child due soon, my wife’s friends are planning to throw her a "sprinkle," which is the name of a smaller, not-your-first-kid baby shower and a word I will spend the rest of my life trying to avoid saying. As one does when generous friends plan to ease the stress and expense of preparing for a major life-changing event, my wife has started a baby shower registry. I have not seen this registry, and I may never see it. I may even be fabricating the fact that she even started one. I haven’t been paying attention. Regardless, I decided to write a baby shower wish list of … [Read more...]
Lessons from Grandpa and His Wondrous Basement
Editor's note: This Sunday, Sept. 13, is national Grandparents Day.
The sounds that came from the basement were mesmerizing. The constant whirr and buzz of saws like a swarm of angry bees, the hammering of metal on wood upon unseen projects. The smell of fresh-cut wood and developing chemicals, the traces of sawdust from shoes when they walked up the long wooden steps. The clunk, clunk, clunk of my grandfather's shoes up those creaky wooden stairs and me, straining, laying in the entryway trying to peek under the basement door just for glimpse of what was … [Read more...]My Father, My Self, and My Boys
Until my own first child was born 12 years ago, fatherhood was just what my dad did, and all I had ever done was take it for granted. My earliest memories are of sitting on a shrinking lap, a slice of jean-covered thigh quickly losing ground between the random growth spurts of a lanky boy and the constant expansion of an ex-smoker’s belly. I sat there for years sharing tickles, snacks and forgotten conversations. There was a montage of facial hair, and I was captivated by its splendor or the sudden lack of it. Everything was long legs and gangly tussles, and I nestled happy in the swell of … [Read more...]
My Dad Was Fatherless, My Son Won’t Be
When my dad was 1 year old, his father Eddy abandoned his mother and three kids (he was the youngest). I'm not sure why he left. He clearly wasn't happy. I asked my grandmother about it years later, and she said she was not an easy person to live with. That may be, but leaving your kids -- I just can't fathom it. I can understand the urge to leave, and I can imagine leaving, but I can't imagine actually leaving. Years later, Eddy made contact with my dad, trying to repair the relationship. My dad refused to see him. He felt that wound deeply. I had a pretty good relationship with my … [Read more...]