If “Born in the USA” has taught us anything, it’s that people will cheerfully blare any song with a catchy beat regardless of the incongruously depressing lyrics. These days every store you walk into is legally required to play Andy Williams’ “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” at least once an hour. Tucked into that ditty about holiday cheer is this little chestnut: There’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories Of Christmases long, long ago Wait – what? Scary ghost stories? At Christmas? On the surface it seems like a lyric a few months past its Halloween … [Read more...]
Will Santa Get COVID? An Exercise in Parental Fact Versus Fiction
So much of my parenting style centers on a delicate balance of fact versus fiction when explaining concepts, ideas, thoughts, feelings – just about anything – to my children. Example 1: “Dad, why is Mommy sad?” Fact: Daddy was a big jerk to Mommy after she had a tough day at the office. Fiction: “Mommy’s not sad, sweetie, just tired today.” Example 2: “Dad, why is my teacher so mean?” Fact: Ms. Smith is a lonely, unhappy soul whose only friends are her 12 cats. Fiction: “Ms. Smith isn’t mean. Like her or not, she’s the boss in class so you must figure out how to work with … [Read more...]
Christmas Dad Jokes, Puns Yule Sleigh with This Holiday
Christmas dad jokes? Seriously? No, funny. That's why they call 'em jokes, folks. C'mon. We've done Halloween and Thanksgiving dad jokes already (and we're bound to do Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day dad jokes, too) so you should have been expecting these. Thus, through the miracle of Google, we have searched the internet for the best and worst Christmas dad jokes (and some general winter ones, too). Consider these our gift to you. Telling these around the tree will have your family wreathing on the floor with laughter and pining for more. So have a happy holiday season, all, … [Read more...]
A Good Talk and the Constant Search for It
The conversation started over breakfast, a thread to a tangent passed with pepper and more coffee, but it stuck like syrup in a mustache (it happens). Eventually it moved from a stranger-coveted empty table in an increasingly busy restaurant to another prolonged standstill in the parking lot, two family members dancing a tango of societal and political opinion while everyone else kicked leaves and waited for car doors to open. Then it continued in the front seat for another 20 minutes, me in the back with a 5-year-old on my right. His toy made a loud, electronic shriek, apparently forever, … [Read more...]
Adulthood: What is It?
It is late. Everyone went to bed a long time ago, and I am two hours into one beer. The house is dark, save a scattering of candles and the glow of outdoor holiday lighting spread upon windowpanes that will never frost. I am wide awake, thoughts and sugar dancing in my head. My uncertainty even more so. It is December, and I am stuck between a Netflix and a hard place, each episode blending into the next like so many years, skipping intros and pausing just to pee. Each new chapter the last before bed, another deadline declined beneath the comfort of just sitting still. Everything is … [Read more...]
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