As I write this, we’re still one week away from Election Day — but deadlines are deadlines! By the time you read it, we’ll probably know how it all turned out. So I feel a journalist’s obligation to talk about the election results, and using a Mad Libs format seemed like the only way to do it right. So grab your kids and play along!
Wowie wow wow — that was quite an election, wasn’t it? A real roller-coaster ride! But now that the votes have all been __(verb – past tense)_ and we know who our next president is, I thought we’d just check in with each other, reflect on everything, and share some feelings.
It was an Election Day for the history books. Were you glued to the media like I was? I don’t know about you, but I was checking __(social media)__ every 10 minutes to see what was happening. In fact, I was just heading out to my polling place when I opened my phone to check the headlines and saw, to my surprise, that Donald Trump was quoted as saying that if he didn’t get enough of the female vote in __(swing state)__, he was going to reach out to every woman there, grab their __(body part) and hold it __(adverb)__ until they promised to __(verb)__. I’m sure we were all surprised when he said that anyone who voted for his opponent would find themselves subject to an investigation — on grounds of __(noun)__ ! Talk about telling it like it is!
But as we all know, that’s not the only last-minute news that broke, hahahaha! I don’t know about you, but I was absolutely shocked when FBI Director James Comey revealed that last year, Hillary Clinton sent an email from her __(noun)__ admitting that she’s used $ (number) from her foundation to buy a custom-made, giant inflatable bounce house in the shape of Anthony Weiner’s _ (body part) to use for private parties. I don’t know about you, but I sure am relieved that I learned that before I voted!
Then there was that moment during Election Day when __(candidate’s name)__ went on __(social media)__ and accused the governor of __(swing state)__ of sneaking into a polling place, stealing ballots, and stuffing them inside a poll worker’s (bodily orifice) to keep them from being _(verb – past tense)_ ! What sort of ridiculous accusation is that! (Unless it’s actually TRUE!)
I’m just glad the whole thing is over, frankly. I was getting stressed out every time I went on Facebook and saw a post from my (relative) with a link to an article claiming that (candidate’s name) likes to dress up like (cartoon character) and have sex with (farm animal, plural) . Some people will believe anything!!!
Some say that (winning candidate’s name) is going to be the worst president our nation has ever _ (verb – past tense)_. They say that this new administration will cause unemployment to __(verb – present tense)__. Some even claim that it will cause an economic (natural disaster) the likes of which we’ve never seen! (But only in swing states, fortunately.)
Hey — speaking of swing states, can you BELIEVE the voter harassment that took place? It’s hard to believe that in this day and age, radicals would actually stand outside a polling place while brandishing (luncheon meat) in an attempt to intimidate (color) citizens from exercising their right to __(verb – present tense)__! Sheesh, only in (swing state) , am I right?!
Still, all in all, I think we can all agree that the __(adjective)__ candidate won. I mean, we won’t know that for sure, since (losing presidential candidate) has demanded a recount in (number less than 51) states. And, of course, there’s that whole issue of __(illegal act)__ that obviously happened in (swing state) , what with that whole story about (celebrity) sneaking into polling places, and paying voters with __(sexual act — plural)_ in exchange for voting a “certain way.” So I guess it’ll be a while before we really know the results.
Personally, I think the candidates should have (number) more debates, to help us get to know them better, and then let us vote again. Who knows, I might just change my mind!