She walked slowly, which wasn’t necessarily out of the ordinary. Her legs were strong, despite their size; I was often surprised by just how much energy she was able to channel through them as she ran, jumped and danced her way through her days. But that morning, she didn’t have the same sense of urgency that she often did. To be clear, my daughter was not taking each step deliberately as a form of protest or expression of independence. She did not appear to have any specific purpose in her gait; there did not seem to be any hidden message that could be interpreted from her soft … [Read more...]
Dad Bod: What It Means to Me at Mid-Life
“Let it go,” my wife instructs whenever she catches me in front of the mirror of our bathroom vanity, pinching my jiggly love handles. I’m staring at the reflection of a body in transition. I’d heard about the softer side of fatherhood – the research that links declines in testosterone and muscle mass to becoming a father – but I never thought adding one word to my identity (dad) would introduce a two-word certainty: dad bod. You may recall the term’s explosion into pop culture in 2015. Clemson University sophomore Mackenzie Pearson published an article that went viral, titled “Why Girls … [Read more...]
Son Takes Big, Meaty Slice of Pizza; Becomes a Man
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” I ask my son at the dinner table. Normally, when such a powerful fatherhood statement like that comes out of my mouth, he’ll freeze. But not today. Today, my boy has decided that it’s time to become a man. He grips the slice of pizza tighter. “Mine,” he says. Such a simple statement but it is as loaded as that slice. He knows this. That’s not something you say to your father and expect to NOT to mow the yard. He doesn’t hand over the beautiful hunk of meat lovers pizza. Instead, he puts it on his plate. It lands with a challenge. “You want to … [Read more...]
Parent-by-Numbers: How to Develop Family Tech-Life Balance
A recent obituary hit me surprisingly hard: “Paint-by-Numbers Maestro Dan Robbins Dies at 93.” The mere mention of the paint-by-numbers inventor transported me back to my childhood dining room table where I would sit for hours engrossed in my latest "masterpiece.” You could say I was addicted to that low-tech pursuit. I thought of that addiction while reading Adam Alter’s recent book, Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked. Thirty years from now, whose obituary might send today’s kids back to a passion or hobby in our current homes? Some kind of … [Read more...]
‘Raising Empowered Daughters’ Starts with Dads at Home
Best-selling author and OG dad blogger Mike Adamick tells The Modern Dads Podcast he thinks fathers changing the conversation about boys and parenting is a good start to raising girls to be strong and independent. Raising Empowered Daughters: A Dad-to-Dad Guide, to be released in June 2019, is "a fists-up handbook for helping dads dismantle the patriarchy," Adamick's website. On the show, he and host Whit Honea talk about Adamick's efforts to meet dads where they are to discuss equality, representation and feminism. One way, he says, is to start by changing the way we talk about boys and … [Read more...]
‘Avengers: Endgame’ Proves There’s No End to the Dadgame
Warning: The following contains some minor spoilers for "Avengers: Endgame" and other films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). It all started with a son. Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), who would become Iron Man, the leader of the Avengers and subsequent father figure to Spider-Man/Peter Parker (Tom Holland), was so driven by the ghost of his own father that the elder Stark's specter cast a shadow over the entire MCU. Tony Stark, over a series of 22 total films, was joined by others on either side of the dad divide: Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston), both … [Read more...]
Giving Time, Not Money, Priority for a Healthy, Happy Family
Even before becoming a dad, I always thought my role as a father was to be the family’s provider. I grew up in an environment where undoubtedly that was the case, and it was reinforced by the corporate environment where I started my career because the culture there highly valued money over time. Therefore, it’s no surprise that I grew fascinated with focusing on my career and making as much money as I could, even at the expense of my personal time. Then -- boom. My wife and I had to deal with a series of health issues. First, it was mine: a serious case of shingles that evolved into … [Read more...]
Parenting Transgender Child More than ‘Just a Phase’
“Maybe it’s just a phase.” I said it to my wife while we were alone. I knew it was wrong, but I was feeling it so intensely that I had to let it out. I was feeling it because I really, really wanted it to be true. Our middle child had recently come out as transgender. I wasn’t supposed to feel the way I was feeling. I was woke. I mean, I was “hella woke,” as we say here in Nor Cal. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay area so I’ve been around LGBTQ people my entire life. In fact, if my child had said they were gay it would have been easy. I know how to move through that world. While … [Read more...]
Mike Dorsey Working on New Narrative for Black Fathers
Mike Dorsey is on a mission. He wants to change the tired narrative in our country about black fathers, such as them being absentee dads or not engaged when they are around. Dorsey, known as "Mike D" by many, has taken a multi-prong approach to redefining and uplifting the image of African American dads. He is an author, business entrepreneur, community organizer, speaker and podcaster. Dorsey discusses his motivation to create a community for active and engaged black fathers and the impact of his work within and outside that community on the latest episode of the Modern Dads … [Read more...]
How Much Does a Divorce Cost? Constant Work Helps Keep Marriage Alive
"How much does a divorce cost?" I asked myself this when my wife was pregnant with our second child, Justice. I even Googled this very question. I don't remember what the answers were, but I knew they weren't for me. A divorce was going to cost me money, a divorce was going to cost me time, and a divorce was going to cost me my family. When my wife was pregnant with our first child, Journey, pregnancy was a new experience for both of us. It was such an exciting time. I was all in and completely connected with the entire process, from the second my wife's said "I'm pregnant" all the way … [Read more...]
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