City Dads Group

Navigating Fatherhood Together

  • About Us
  • What is City Dads Group?
  • Contact
  • Meetups
  • Boot Camps
  • Start a Group
  • Join A Group
  • Podcast
  • Outreach
  • Press
  • Blog

Reflections of Me, My Dad in My Teenage Son

December 4, 2014 by Doug Gertner Leave a Comment

Spending time with my teenage son is like déjà vu as I grow to recognize my younger self in him more and more each day. His awkward self-consciousness, the inward turning, less communicative stance, his attraction toward friends and away from family, and his idealism, all strike a familiar chord.

My son is me at that age – less messed up because he’s growing up without the chaos and dysfunction that I endured early and often. Yet the teen he’s becoming is very much a mirror of myself.

It gives me empathy and appreciation for him at this point is his life, even as I feel my buttons pushed by some of his unbecoming behavior. This recognition of myself in my son should help me to be less triggered, more tolerant; yet I do hope he passes through this period somehow swiftly and with relative ease.

father son mirror

“My son is me at that age – less messed up because he’s growing up without the chaos and dysfunction that I endured early and often. Yet the teen he’s becoming is very much a mirror of myself.”

I am also reminded of another mirror, the one that was so evident in the presence of my own father. How I channeled his voice and mannerisms, at the same time I resented and reviled him at various times. My goal has been to live my life differently, while accepting his legacy as one I can never completely escape.

As I think about it, I am recognizing and remembering both my father and my son, for how I am reflected in who they are, and how they show up in everything I am and all that I do.

The teenage me that I see when with my son is a reminder of the simple yet extremely challenging aspects of those years of my life. It’s my job to accept and support him the best I can, and offer guidance and set some boundaries to help my son navigate toward adulthood.

All the while I am also charting my own course through middle-age, using the memories of my own, late father as a map for how to and not to live my life.

I am so grateful for these teachers, young and old, and the simple wisdom that I recognize, remember, and continue to struggle to understand.

A version of this post first appeared on The Grateful Dad.

Photo credit: flickr.com/Daniel X. O’Neil

Related

Filed Under: memories, teens / tweens Tagged With: parenting teens

About Doug Gertner

Doug Gertner, a member of our Denver Dads Group, is The Grateful Dad ®. An educator, consultant, and radio-show host, Doug began his blog with reflections on being both a father and a son, experiencing the sandwich generation while caring for his aging father and also co-parenting his own child. With the recent passing of his dad, Doug continues to reflect on that relationship as he navigates the brave new world of having a teenager. A longtime activist and scholar in the pro-feminist men’s space, Doug marvels daily as he appreciates his amazing partner and their awesome son.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to our newsletter

Privacy


City Dads on YouTube


Join a City Dads Meetup Near You

Join a Group

Popular Recent Posts

  • Ghost Stories of Christmas? The Haunting Death of My Mother
  • Family Habits: How to Change Bad Ones and Reinforce Good Ones
  • Remote Learning: Is it Causing Your Kid to Fall Behind in School?
  • COVID Sleep Issues Not Always Bad Says This Newborn Early Bird
  • Pawn Shop Prepared This Fella for Life as a Parent
  • Life Enhancement Should Be Everyone’s Priority During Our Precious Time
Visit the Blog

As seen, heard, and read in:

  • Contact
  • About Us
  • Join City Dads Groups in these Cities
  • Resources
  • Media Kit
  • Advertise
Copyright 2019 City Dads Group | Privacy Policy