Scene: 8 a.m. Early summer. Daughter’s room. Sunlight glinting through drawn shades. Daughter buried under her covers. Unmoving. Father enters. Me: Knock knock! Her: (Silence.) Me: Knock knock! Anybody alive in here? Her: (Slight shifting under covers.) Me: Goooooooood Morning! Rise and shine! It’s going to be a beautiful day! Her: (Muffled grunt.) Me: I don’t know about you, but I want to get out there and enjoy this spectacular weather! Who’s with me?!?!?! Her: Gorfmmmwm. Me: What’s that? Take your pillow off your face, I can’t hear you. Her: (Drawing pillow off … [Read more...]
We’re wrapping up dinner when I make a relatively harmless remark my daughter doesn’t appreciate -- full stop. The mood around the whole of the kitchen table sours as her shoulders drop. She then shoots me "you’re an asshole" eyes, puts her fork down with the aggression of a gauntlet being thrown, and stops eating. It looks like she’s about to fling her chair back and flee the scene but I preemptively persuade her to stay. A small victory. That remains the full extent of the recovery as we complete the meal without further incident, albeit in near silence. It’s unfair that a young … [Read more...]
I fly back to my hometown of Boulder, Colo., every Memorial Day weekend to run in its annual 10k race. While I’m sure the "Bolder Boulder" began as an actual competitive event, it’s transformed into a mobile festival that winds through the city's most beautiful neighborhoods. My husband and I have participated in it every spring since we first met. My daughter, now 14, started joining us later with this past event making it three years in a row the three of us ran together. It has become an official family tradition. As a recently crafted family, we’ve been building these family traditions … [Read more...]
"My children may no longer need all of the things that nobody actually needs despite the endless ads they spread across the online parenting space, but they are still kids. And I’m still a parent, hairline be damned. Are we not an audience?"
+ + +I recently turned 45, which, if you do the math, is legally dead in Internet years. I wouldn’t have believed it, seeing as I have made my living off said Internet for over a decade and, most days, I feel like I’m still breathing, albeit heavily. But the facts don’t lie. For instance, just days after my … [Read more...]
I’m not lying to her when I say her counterpoints are completely sound. It is her body, it is an unfair double standard. But I say no one wants to have other kids sign her yearbook: “Have a great summer, Sasquatch.”
+ + +My 14-year-old daughter and I have the following argument every Sunday night: Me: Did you do everything you need to do? Her: What do you mean? Me: You know what I mean. The list of things we talked about. Her: (grumble mutter grumble mutter) Me: It’s not a big deal. Just basic grooming stuff. We've talked about this. Her: … [Read more...]