It’s often described as a tightrope, but that’s not terribly accurate. There is no risk of falling off either side. This period of life, the immeasurable, undefinable, delicate space between childhood and young adulthood, is more akin to finding yourself in the middle of a meadow. It can be peaceful and pleasant but also foreboding. All depends on the direction of the wind and the light or absence thereof. The meadow in the midst of youth and growing up is a vast space between two distinctly different environments: to the left, the lush forest up ahead with flora and fauna but with less … [Read more...]
Why You Can’t Get Parenting Right No Matter How Long, Hard You Try
How many times have you heard practice makes perfect? About a gazillion – right. And I find it be true for the most part. Well, I might not get to perfect, but I get way, way better. But then, there’s parenting. Next week my oldest son, BR, will turn 14. Whoa – had a stop there for a moment. That still surprises me. Anyway, that means I will have been a parent for 122,640 hours. Way more than the 10,000-hour rule. You know 10,000-hour rule, right? In Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers, he determined it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to become great at some high-level … [Read more...]
Now are the Chores of Our Discontent
The chairs in the family room are in constant use, their seats warm against the press of pants and careless give of sun-dried towels. There are two of these chairs, set just so to encourage casual conversation while still open to the glow of the fireplace, a request to the piano or whatever is sent from the kitchen. It is a cozy corner, softly lit by stylish lamps and stars of varying distance. The dogs dine there twice daily, the bar against the wall is visited somewhat more so. These chairs grow heavy beneath the weight of our day, and heavier still the following and again after that. … [Read more...]
Raising Teen Daughters, Defining Boundaries in the #MeToo Era
The stories are everywhere — women (and a few men) speaking their truth to abusive male power as the #MeToo movement rolls on. As the parent of two teen daughters, I am glad much light and sound are finally being shed on this topic. But it remains challenging to talk about at home in ways that balance how to promote healthy romantic relationships and avoid toxic ones. The one word I keep coming back to? Boundaries. As my wife and I discuss with our daughters the ongoing media stories about sexual misconduct, we try to focus on the need for self-boundaries — e.g., physical, emotional and … [Read more...]
Basketball Court of Opinion: The Game is Only Part of It
“Just let them play,” I said, loudly. “That’s a good idea,” snapped the referee, staring me down from the baseline. I was in the front row, mid-court, and everything was a blur save the anger on his face and the echoing whispers of my wife begging me to stay quiet. She was probably right. A moment earlier, the crowd buzzing with confusion, I had turned to those seated behind me, a collection of parents from both teams, and shared my feelings on the call that had been made. I had been loud then, too. It was the 6th grade boys basketball championship. A player on my son’s team had just … [Read more...]
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