1. Giving Santa All The CreditMy wife and I bust our collective asses providing for the children and making sure they have everything they need. When December 25 rolls around, I don't want the fat guy in red stealing our thunder. We still talk about Santa and I play the game every time they say something like "How does Santa deliver all those toys around the world in ONE NIGHT?" or "How does Santa fit down our tiny chimney?"Santa gives our kids toothbrushes and underwear, not the big-ass Lego set. Kids, this gift was made possible by a Danish factory and mommy's hard work. Remember … [Read more...]
As I write this, we're still one week away from Election Day -- but deadlines are deadlines! By the time you read it, we'll probably know how it all turned out. So I feel a journalist's obligation to talk about the election results, and using a Mad Libs format seemed like the only way to do it right. So grab your kids and play along!Dear America,Wowie wow wow -- that was quite an election, wasn't it? A real roller-coaster ride! But now that the votes have all been __(verb - past tense)_ and we know who our next president is, I thought we'd just check in with each other, reflect on … [Read more...]
"My children may no longer need all of the things that nobody actually needs despite the endless ads they spread across the online parenting space, but they are still kids. And I’m still a parent, hairline be damned. Are we not an audience?"
+ + +I recently turned 45, which, if you do the math, is legally dead in Internet years.I wouldn’t have believed it, seeing as I have made my living off said Internet for over a decade and, most days, I feel like I’m still breathing, albeit heavily. But the facts don’t lie.For instance, just days after my … [Read more...]
You know that thing where you try to use cool slang in front of my friends? Stop doing that.
+ + +I love New Year’s resolutions. Love to make them, write them down, and commit to them loudly with bravado at New Year's Eve parties (“I'm SO gonna do Tough Mudder this year! AND go gluten free. WHO’S WITH ME?!!”) even while knowing all that big talk will likely evaporate by February. I just like this time of year when we all attempt to take a few steps toward becoming better humans, at least for a little while.For me, resolutions fall into two … [Read more...]
With our second child due soon, my wife’s friends are planning to throw her a "sprinkle," which is the name of a smaller, not-your-first-kid baby shower and a word I will spend the rest of my life trying to avoid saying.As one does when generous friends plan to ease the stress and expense of preparing for a major life-changing event, my wife has started a baby shower registry. I have not seen this registry, and I may never see it. I may even be fabricating the fact that she even started one. I haven’t been paying attention.Regardless, I decided to write a baby shower wish list of … [Read more...]