Ever heard a parent of a 3-month-old say, “My baby is just like me when I was that age”? Of course not. But when it comes to parents of teens, detailed comparisons and contrasts abound. Why do we do this? Probably because we remember the highlights of our teenhood so much better than our toddlerhood. I recently asked one of the wisest parents I know for her No. 1 parenting tip. Her reply? Stop all the comparisons! Don’t compare a child to yourself at his or her age; don’t compare a child to his or her siblings; don’t compare a child to relatives, friends, classmates, co-parents or anyone … [Read more...]
Parental Growth Chart Would Celebrate Milestones in Maturity, Wisdom
Remember when you learned about a baby’s “growth chart”? The first time the pediatrician measures your tiny child’s weight, length and head circumference can be stressful. It can also be confusing because it’s one of the few times when the 50th percentile — or perfectly average growth relative to other babies of the same age — is the most desirable score. Our firstborn had colic, so my wife and I developed an intense relationship with our pediatrician. Fortunately, he had a great sense of humor. During one of our “growth chart” appointments, we expressed concern that our daughter’s head was … [Read more...]
College Search Tips for Helping You, Your High Schooler Find the Right ‘Fit’
Hear that collective sigh? That's the sound of high school seniors — and their parents — finally finishing the often years-long college search process. Fortunately, my oldest daughter recently found the right “fit,” a buzzword guidance counselors emphasize for good reason. For many, though, the process can be quite stressful. Here are five big-picture college search tips from the trenches for you and your children. College search tips No. 1: Conduct an 'I-search' before research Long before visiting campuses, encourage your son or daughter to pay attention to what interests them. How do … [Read more...]
Have You Become Your Mother (or Father)? A Spring Break Tornado Story
When your 15-year-old is on spring break with another family for a week, the last click-bait you want to see on your phone is “Tornado Watch from Florida to South Carolina.” What are the odds, I fretted, as my thumbs speed-texted “U ok? Just heard about tornado watch for sarasota?” My daughter replied like King Kong casually batting away a helicopter parent: “yeah we r good.” Despite her nonchalance, shortly after her return home she admitted that my message had, in fact, alerted them to a coming storm, much to her amazement. Begrudgingly, she gave me credit for helping them take … [Read more...]
Raising Teen Daughters, Defining Boundaries in the #MeToo Era
The stories are everywhere — women (and a few men) speaking their truth to abusive male power as the #MeToo movement rolls on. As the parent of two teen daughters, I am glad much light and sound are finally being shed on this topic. But it remains challenging to talk about at home in ways that balance how to promote healthy romantic relationships and avoid toxic ones. The one word I keep coming back to? Boundaries. As my wife and I discuss with our daughters the ongoing media stories about sexual misconduct, we try to focus on the need for self-boundaries — e.g., physical, emotional and … [Read more...]
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