“Dad, tell that story again about the time I stabbed you.” My younger teen daughter, Lindsay, makes this request every few months or so with a giggle. And while she’s the villain of the story, it also features one of my not-so-flattering moments as a parent — one of those many bloopers that all families experience when things don’t go as planned. At age 4, Lindsay attended a summer art class that she absolutely loved. When my older daughter, Lauren, and I went to pick her up from class one day, only Lindsay and the teacher remained. She was not quite finished with her art … [Read more...]
Validate Teen Girls’ Views Even When You’re Not Seeing Eye to Eye
Got teen daughters? If so, then you know you don’t always see eye to eye with them. In fact, sometimes it feels more like an eye for an eye. During those times, my coping mechanism of choice is to read, read and read some more in hopes of finding solutions — or at least a bit of relief. My latest dose of support came from Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, a new book by Lisa Damour. The book has many nuggets of wisdom, but one in particular hit me hard: the need for parents to constantly strive to validate teen girls' perspectives, even though that … [Read more...]
Anger Management for Parents: Prepare for Before, During and After
Think back to your childhood. Do you remember your father’s (or mother’s) angriest moment as a parent? Chances are it’s replaying in your mind right now in vivid detail. That’s because raw anger, while sometimes useful for action, often results in dramatic, destructive and regrettable parenting. As a father of teenagers, I’ve had my share of parenting moments, usually involving a disciplinary situation, when I could have used some intervention. But I’ve also learned a few things about anger management along the way. My first tip would be to think of parental anger as a three-stage process: … [Read more...]
Balanced Worldview in Children Helps Them Cope, Understand
"Everybody’s crazy, drive safely.” That’s the mantra of my mother I remember best from my teenhood. Granted, her negative, imbalanced worldview was simply a way to contain her anxiety as I began to drive. Her words returned to me recently as my children increasingly navigate the internet, originally dubbed the “information superhighway.” Like most parents, my wife and I implemented age-appropriate internet restrictions as our children grew. But we learned that as children age, they need to develop the same critical thinking skills adults use when wading through the sea of clickbait … [Read more...]
Parent Wrestles with His Discipline ‘Finishing Move’
What is the hardest part of parenting? For many, the answer is smack-down clear: discipline. Why? In part because we live in a stew of philosophies ranging from attachment to free-range parenting, all of which merely season the stock of how we were disciplined (or not disciplined) by our own parents. As the father of two daughters, I have wrestled with discipline issues —especially sibling rivalry — for many years. My struggle peaked a few years ago when I caught myself in a parental fantasy at an unlikely place: a World Wresting Entertainment show. (Some call it “fake wrestling,” but … [Read more...]
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