“Don’t be daft!” That’s one of the most memorable fatherly mantras from my childhood. It came courtesy of Jerry, the father of Tim, one of my best childhood buddies. I was lucky enough to grow up with about a dozen close friends, and Tim’s house was often our headquarters, thanks in part to his beloved father. At first, I didn’t know what “daft” meant. But since Jerry would usually bellow the words half-jokingly after some of our shenanigans, I learned it meant “foolish” or “silly.” Jerry died years ago, but his mantra returned recently as I packed for a trip to Folly Beach, S.C. That … [Read more...]
About Vincent O'Keefe
Parent-by-Numbers: How to Develop Family Tech-Life Balance
A recent obituary hit me surprisingly hard: “Paint-by-Numbers Maestro Dan Robbins Dies at 93.” The mere mention of the paint-by-numbers inventor transported me back to my childhood dining room table where I would sit for hours engrossed in my latest "masterpiece.” You could say I was addicted to that low-tech pursuit. I thought of that addiction while reading Adam Alter’s recent book, Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked. Thirty years from now, whose obituary might send today’s kids back to a passion or hobby in our current homes? Some kind of … [Read more...]
Family Bloopers Should Be Savored, Preserved for Later
“Dad, tell that story again about the time I stabbed you.” My younger teen daughter, Lindsay, makes this request every few months or so with a giggle. And while she’s the villain of the story, it also features one of my not-so-flattering moments as a parent — one of those many bloopers that all families experience when things don’t go as planned. At age 4, Lindsay attended a summer art class that she absolutely loved. When my older daughter, Lauren, and I went to pick her up from class one day, only Lindsay and the teacher remained. She was not quite finished with her art … [Read more...]
Validate Teen Girls’ Views Even When You’re Not Seeing Eye to Eye
Got teen daughters? If so, then you know you don’t always see eye to eye with them. In fact, sometimes it feels more like an eye for an eye. During those times, my coping mechanism of choice is to read, read and read some more in hopes of finding solutions — or at least a bit of relief. My latest dose of support came from Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, a new book by Lisa Damour. The book has many nuggets of wisdom, but one in particular hit me hard: the need for parents to constantly strive to validate teen girls' perspectives, even though that … [Read more...]
Anger Management for Parents: Prepare for Before, During and After
Think back to your childhood. Do you remember your father’s (or mother’s) angriest moment as a parent? Chances are it’s replaying in your mind right now in vivid detail. That’s because raw anger, while sometimes useful for action, often results in dramatic, destructive and regrettable parenting. As a father of teenagers, I’ve had my share of parenting moments, usually involving a disciplinary situation, when I could have used some intervention. But I’ve also learned a few things about anger management along the way. My first tip would be to think of parental anger as a three-stage process: … [Read more...]
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