“You have to trust the other drivers,” my father said gently.With those words, my fingers loosened on the wheel, my shoulders relaxed, and my eyes refocused on the right side of the road.I was 16 and about to take a driver’s education class, but my father and I thought it might help to practice beforehand. (My mother wanted no part of it.) For many teens, it would have been time to cue the father-son tension. But my father had always been laid-back and hands-off, so I did not dread driving with him.Even though this was his sixth time teaching driving to a nervous teenager (I am the … [Read more...]
About Vincent O'Keefe
4 Ways to Parent Without Labels, With a Growth Mindset
Have you ever labeled one of your children — e.g., the “smart” one, the “clumsy” one, or the “whiny” one? Of course you have! Because you’re human.But as we know now, labeling a child is not healthy. A label often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and even a positive label can constrain a child’s identity by compelling him or her to perform that limited role. Hence, labels could be considered part of a “fixed mindset,” to borrow from Carol Dweck’s celebrated research on a fixed vs. growth mindset.In their recent book, Mindsets for Parents, Mary Cay Ricci and Margaret Lee attempt to … [Read more...]
Lessons from Memory: Writing My Mother’s Eulogy
I recently lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. Perhaps the only silver lining was that the disease’s slow progression gave my five siblings and me time to process her death, reflect on her life, and arrange an appropriate memorial service. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. I was honored.Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were “multivocal.” Thus, I thought her eulogy … [Read more...]
Mile-High Parenting: This Tip is a Lock for Flying with Young Children
Naturally, after a moment of concern for our daughter's well-being, we did what any responsible parents would do in a crisis: we blamed each other. _________________ Think you know everything about those tiny airplane bathrooms? Think again.When flying with our two young children years ago, my wife and I discovered a little-known but highly valuable feature of those bathrooms, at least on our particular plane. But first, a story.Our two daughters were ages 6 and 3 at the time. Like most parents, we dreaded that anything-can-happen stage of flying with children when wild imaginings of … [Read more...]
Black History Month Reading that Fosters Empathy, ‘Moral Imagination’
When was the last time you celebrated one of your children’s moral milestones? If you’re like me, the answer is probably not nearly as often as you have marked their physical milestones.In her recent book, Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in our All-About-Me World, Michele Borba laments this phenomenon. “Empathy is widely underestimated by moms and dads, as well as the general public ... in trying to make our children feel good, we tend to focus on their cognitive, social, and physical feats," she writes. "Overlooked are their moral accomplishments like compassion, generosity, … [Read more...]