I killed a thousand butterflies. It's not my proudest moment. It happened right in front of my children, too. Not just my children, but 13 other children as well. Things could have gone better. This past summer in Iowa,dad;s butterflies migrated right through the center of the state. It happened to coincide with my annual "dad's trip." This is the trip my dad's group takes every year so we can build memories with our children. We pick a direction and go. We see the silliest of the silly. Large balls of twine or the world's largest set of overalls. And this time, we killed at least 17% of … [Read more...]
Dads -- stop trying to be mom. There, I've said it. I can hear a whole lot of browsers closing right now, especially those used by you at-home dads. I feel those eyerolls. Who the hell is this guy? Is he trying to piss off everyone? Pretty much. But here's what I mean. Moms are awesome. I have one and I'm married to one. They are good Ford people, salt of the earth women who should be put up on pedestals. They should be celebrated and acknowledged for all the truly heroic things that they do. If you haven't called your mother in a while, then stop reading and do that. Moms worry … [Read more...]
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” I ask my son at the dinner table. Normally, when such a powerful fatherhood statement like that comes out of my mouth, he’ll freeze. But not today. Today, my boy has decided that it’s time to become a man. He grips the slice of pizza tighter. “Mine,” he says. Such a simple statement but it is as loaded as that slice. He knows this. That’s not something you say to your father and expect to NOT to mow the yard. He doesn’t hand over the beautiful hunk of meat lovers pizza. Instead, he puts it on his plate. It lands with a challenge. “You want to … [Read more...]
“That ball was out of bounds!” I tell my wife sitting next to me on the metal bleachers. My butt hurts, but it’s the price I gladly pay. Did my wife roll her eyes? I think she did. That’s OK, I don’t expect her to get it. Not like me. She isn’t a parent-athlete.
Being a parent-athlete is tough. I go to every practice, sit on those hard metal bleachers and drink copious amounts of Diet Coke from a giant bucket I got from the hardware store. That’s true commitment, and I get it if the rest of the world doesn’t understand. It’s a hard life, but one that has chosen … [Read more...]
The show's over; time for everyone to go home. My last kid has started school. I am no longer an at-home dad. Now I suppose I’m just unemployed. That’s fantastic for the ego. I mean, really great. It’s always nice to see yourself taken down a peg or 50. Over the last month, I’ve gotten the question, “What are you going to do now with all your free time?” What free time, I’ve got lists a mile long! Time is accounted for, and it demands to be paid, credit not accepted. So what do I do now? Well, basically I sit in the house and wonder why Oprah has abandoned me. I mean, not to be a dick … [Read more...]