They say when you experience life through the eyes of your innocent children, you appreciate the little things so much more. And I suppose it’s true. Kids do change your perspective on things. But kids change everything in your life, not merely the way you look at it. It re-jiggers your comfort level. It alters your standards. Things you wouldn’t have been caught doing in your pre-parent life become the norm. Outrageous behavior becomes a way of life. Your younger self wouldn’t even recognize you. And if s/he did, s/he’d think you were a TREMENDOUS loser. Here’s a little … [Read more...]
I Prefer Not to be a Stay-at-Home Dad
The stay-at-home dad trend continues to grow, and some people tout this as a kind of sea change, but I don’t care if it’s “the new normal” or a changing paradigm or some X-Men-style evolution. I spent the better part of a year as a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), and I didn't like it. After being laid off one June, I spent the bulk of the summer at home, working alongside my wife to care for our son. When my wife landed a job, I suddenly found myself cast away on an island with an almost-2-year-old. No nanny, no daycare, no grandparents, no Wilson; just me, a collection of toys, and the daily … [Read more...]
Baby Shower Registry, Designed by Dad
With our second child due soon, my wife’s friends are planning to throw her a "sprinkle," which is the name of a smaller, not-your-first-kid baby shower and a word I will spend the rest of my life trying to avoid saying. As one does when generous friends plan to ease the stress and expense of preparing for a major life-changing event, my wife has started a baby shower registry. I have not seen this registry, and I may never see it. I may even be fabricating the fact that she even started one. I haven’t been paying attention. Regardless, I decided to write a baby shower wish list of … [Read more...]
Kids and Politicians are Truly Alike
Politicians are universally reviled. Especially American politicians. Especially American politicians in the 21st century. Not only can’t they do anything right, they can’t do anything at all! It would almost be cute if it didn’t have such impact on our lives. Which is kind of the deal with kids too. They may not be universally reviled, but it’s a lot easier to laugh at their antics when they’re not yours. And the similarities don’t stop there. 1. They’ll say anything to get your approval. Just about every other time my son tells me he loves me, it’s followed by a request for … [Read more...]
9 (Fairly Dubious) Parenting Superpowers
Over the past five years, I’ve acquired some amazing talents that never would have manifested if I weren’t responsible for a child. Because with great responsibility comes great power … Speed Reading I had no idea how fast I could read until my son begged for his third bedtime story and my beer was left all half-finished and increasingly warm in the other room. Suddenly I summoned the will to finish “David Gets in Trouble” in less than 60 seconds! I can get it down to 30 if I skip pages. WHICH I DO. Gluttony A deadly sin and a talent every parent acquires! Unless it’s his favorite meal – … [Read more...]