You wouldn't think it to look at them, but our favorite professional baseball, basketball, football, hockey and soccer players have a ton in common with wee toddlers. How so? Let us count the ways? 1) They all want the damn ball.Almost immediately following his rookie season, former football player Keyshawn Johnson, stirred quite the controversy when he published an autobiography titled Just Give Me The Damn Ball in which he called one teammate a “mascot” and complained that his then team, the New York Jets, didn't throw the ball his way enough. Many sportswriters ripped Johnson for having … [Read more...]
About Lorne Jaffe
Independence Day Comes Early for Toddler without Patience
“Wanna do it SELF! Wanna do it SELF! Wanna do it SELF!” She thrashes like an angry crocodile caught in a net. “Sienna, calm down!” I say, my frustration near boiling over. “You can’t change your diaper by yourself!” Poop leaks everywhere as she flails. I take a deep breath wishing to skip potty training (which we haven’t even started yet) and go right to whatever craziness comes next. We might be a couple of days away from the Fourth of July, but my daughter's in the throes of a sudden independence streak. She wants to do everything herself: open doors; use silverware (if I can … [Read more...]
Life is a Picnic for NYC Dads Group
Saturday, June 7, 2014. The weather? A perfect 80 or so degrees, blue skies, no humidity, a nice, cool breeze. The company? Outstanding: Dads and moms with exuberant and incredibly well-behaved kids. In a shady section of Central Park’s Great Lawn near its famous Turtle Pond, 95 people gathered for the annual NYC Dads Group "Father's Day" family picnic, sponsored by Britax/BOB. The turnout proved to be the largest in the NYC Dads Group’s five years of picnicking. Could a day be any more idyllic? Actually yes. Before the picnic even began, before the bubbles and frisbees, 16 … [Read more...]
The Frightening Fly
‘Twas the first day of May, and my wife Elaine and my mother sat casually feeding our daughter Sienna eggplant rollatini in a pizzeria down the block from our apartment when out of nowhere the scariest creature on the planet zoomed by Sienna’s head.
No, I’m not talking about a rat or a killer bee or a king cobra. No great white shark decided to make a side trip from the ocean to have a slice of pizza. I’m not even talking about that insidious varmint known as Elmo. I’m referring to an ordinary housefly.
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Dirty Things I’ve Unintentionally Said to My Toddler Daughter
Yesterday I stopped by CVS and went through their seasonal clearance items, and came home with something I thought my 2-year-old daughter would be bananas over – a yellow plastic cylinder like the base of a flashlight with clear egg-shaped top made to look like a bee. When you press a button, the insides of the egg spin causing lights to flash and the whole thing to buzz and quiver. The toy cost 62 cents or approximately what it cost to make.
Sienna squealed with glee and I smiled because I’d made my daughter happy.
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