Many Mother's Days ago, when people still believed blogging had career potential and advertisers only catered to XX chromosomes, a parenting site hot for clicks published an article by a dad called "Top 10 Things Mothers Do Better Than Fathers." It's caused a lot of consternation among the online dad community probably because the writer illustrates in great detail about how few parenting abilities a father (the writer himself) has when compared with a mother (his wife). That whole "mom vs. dad" thing still chaps my ass. In the spirit of community, generosity, support and solidarity with … [Read more...]
About Homemaker Man
Catch a Spitting Star
We're in the car the other day and I'm listening to the kids in the back. They are doing copious amounts of wet, sloppy, phlegmy raspberries into thin air. Over and over again. Little spit bombs exploding all over the backseat of the car. Then I hear the Peanut say, "Pumpkin Man. Catch them! Catch them!" I manage a glance over my shoulder, something I'm loathe to do as I really don't like to get involved back there. I hazard a glance and I see fine, fine sprays of saliva in the air, the kids hands clapping madly through it, trying to make a catch. Awesome. "What are you doing?" I … [Read more...]
Father’s Day: This Dad Eats It Up
One Father's Day, my wife helped the kids bake me those hand and foot prints that you harden in the oven and then paint. They tasted awful but I ate three of them. Because when my kids bake me something, I eat it. Even when it's not really edible. Because that is the kind of father I am. This is why I deserve a Father's Day. I know it's bullshit. I know it's a holiday invented by an unholy triumvirate of Hallmark, Faberge, and super-intelligent werewolves to get us all to buy cards and Brut. It's well known that werewolves love the taste of Brut. It's science. I don't even need a card or … [Read more...]
‘Power Dads’ Advice a Blast From Past
I find several tips in Power Dads: The 10 Basic Principles Successful Fathers Use to Raise Happy and Responsible Children by Wayne Parker to be useful. Don’t yell. Do big projects with the family. Take time for yourself. Match the punishment to the transgression. Reward good behavior. Enable community service. Don’t worry about succinct book titles. Chestnuts that while time worn, were well organized, easy to follow and are still helpful to be reminded of on those difficult days. Parker is, if anything can be inferred from his writing, generally a kind and well-meaning person. He is also … [Read more...]
“He Stole My Nuggets” and Other Lunchtime Funtime
I could hear it as we strode down the hall. We took our place at the end of the line. We entered through the big swinging doors and the sound ripped into me. My eyes watered and my head thrummed with it. I almost lost my footing. My nose bled. I steadied myself with the help of a large blue post and a tiny hand. One hundred five-year olds with a half hour of freedom. Lunch time, school cafeteria, kindergarten edition. One of the best things parents can do for their kids at school is to be a presence. And for that, you have to be present. So last week I made a visit at lunchtime. For those … [Read more...]