
Are all your attempts at animal-related dad jokes cat-astrophes? When you doggedly try for howls of laughter from your kids, do you get only catcalls and horse coughing?
Fear not, fellow fathers! We’ve got animal dad jokes aplenty! Dog jokes, cat jokes, bird jokes, fish funnies — you name the species, we got it. These will delight the little ones and roll the eyes of the big ones.
How did we do it? We scoured the far corners of the oceans, zoos and barnyards (but mostly the internet) for the best and/or worst animal-related jokes, riddles and puns.
But wait — there’s more! After you finish these, check out our music-related dad jokes. Why? Because while you can tune a piano, you can’t tune a fish? OK, enough fish puns. It’s time to scale back.
Enjoy!
Best animal (dog, cat, etc.) dad jokes, puns, humor
Q. What did the lion say after he ate the comedian?
A. “I feel funny.”
Q. Why shouldn’t you play cards in the African savannah?
A. Because it’s full of cheetahs.
Q. Why can’t a leopard hide?
A. Because he’s always spotted.
Q. Why couldn’t the dog see a psychiatrist?
A. Because he isn’t allowed on the couch.
Q. What do cows do on Friday nights?
A. They go to the moooovies.
Q. What’s black and white and blue?
A. A depressed zebra.
Q. Why don’t horses get divorced?
A. They have stable relationships.
Q. What do you call a pig that lost his voice?
A. Disgruntled.
Q. What did the buffalo say to his son when he went to work?
A. Bison!
Q. Which side of a goose has the most feathers?
A. The outside.
Q. Why did the hamster quit his exercise routine?
A. He felt he was just going in circles and not getting anywhere.
Q. What do you call a cow that has no milk?
A. An udder failure.
Q. What do you call another cow that won’t give milk?
A. A milk dud.
Q. What did the alien say to the cat?
A. “Take me to your litter.”
Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A bull-dozer.
Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A. Unique up on him.
Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way.
Q. Why do cats make terrible storytellers?
A. They only have one tail.
Q. Why do sharks swim in salt water?
A. Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Q. What happened when the dog swallowed a clock?
A. He got ticks.
Q. What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool?
A. The whisker.
Q. Why did the octopus blush?
A. Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
Q. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A. Hailing taxis.
Q. Why was the vulture not allowed to bring two dead raccoons on a plane?
A. Because he was allowed only one carrion.
Q. Have you seen the dog bowl?
A. I never knew he could!
Q. Why was the mama bird sad when her baby moved out?
A. She had empty nest syndrome.
Q. Why did the crab refuse to share?
A. Because he’s shellfish.
Q. What did the dolphin say to the other fish?
A. You need a porpoise in life.
Q. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A. Swimming trunks.
Q. Did you hear about the emu that grew so big that the rest of its group shunned it?
A. Yes, it was ostrich-sized.
Q. Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long?
A. Because if it were 12 inches long it’d be a foot.
Q. What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
A. Bugs bunny.
Q. What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
A. Take the words out of his mouth!
Q. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
A. Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
Q. What did the horse say after it tripped?
A. “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Q. Why don’t dogs or cats make good dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet.
Q. What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A. A neigh-bor.
Q. How do horses stay in such great shape?
A. They keep a stable diet.
Q. If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do dogs and cats run on?
A. Their paws.
Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
Q. What do you call a thieving alligator?
A. A crook-o-dile.
Q. Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A. The Baaaahamas.
Q. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A. Ouch.
Q. Why do cows go to New York?
A. To see the moosicals.
Q. What do you give a dog with a fever?
A. Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
Q. Where do killer whales hear music?
A. Orca-stras!
Animal, dog, cat dad jokes photo by Mark Glancy via Pexels.
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