My baby daughter Avery and I were making our usual grocery trip when the urge to use the restroom suddenly hit me while perusing the aisles. Damn multiple cups of green tea and coffee!
As I stood at the urinal, I looked down at Avery in her Onya Baby Outback carrier and tried to keep her from letting out any random cries as she generally does. Why she has to fuss as I stand at a urinal, no clue. But as I tried my best to offer soothing words, I paused and realized what I was saying might be taken the wrong way considering my location.
Then I thought back to the countless times before when I was wearing Avery and had to use a public restroom. “Crap” (not literally), I thought to myself, “anyone in the restroom at the same time must really be questioning what they heard from me!” I know if I were in a stall and heard some guy talking in a soothing, cooing voice, I wouldn’t come out until I knew he was gone.
So I came up with these top 10 things a dad should never say while wearing his baby and using a public restroom. And if you’re wondering, yes, I have said all of these to Avery. It’s a surprise I’m still allowed in these stores!
- “Don’t worry, you’ll get bigger.” (I said this to Avery when her head couldn’t see over the carrier.)
- “Well, hello there.”
- “Uh oh, I need to get you a burp cloth.”
- “Daddy won’t take long.”
- “I’m so proud of you!”
- “What do you see up there?” (This is when Avery is looking up at the ceiling.)
- “Mommy is going to be so happy to see you!”
- “Please stay still so I can finish.”
- “Are you hungry?”
- “If you’re good, we can play with that new toy at home.”
Needless to say, I’m going to be more conscientious about how I word things when talking to Avery in a restroom from now on.
A version of this first appeared on Going Dad.