As soldiers of the Dad Army, one of our missions is to become an expert at bottle feeding. No problem, right? It’s part of one of the most important functions of our parenting duties — keeping the kid alive!
When my wife and I had our second child, I knew it was time once again for me to enter the fray. It had been nearly two years since bottle feeding my first child, but you know — the whole “riding the bike” thing. However, the battle lines were drawn rather quickly.
The first few times went smoothly. My newborn daughter took to the bottle fairly easily. However, last week my wife was out for the day and this daddy was left in charge of his nearly three-month-old. It was a bigger disaster than when Napoleon tried to invade Russia.
My daughter wouldn’t take the bottle at all. She fought me tooth and nail. I fought back with agitation and frustration as she tugged on the frayed ends of my sanity. We were both getting upset. The day ended with an exhausted and hungry baby and an angst-filled father who was ready to grab his own bottle of whatever he could find, down it in an instant, and then for good measure, perhaps smash it over his head.
Why did this happen? Let me use an analogy. Let’s say you were planning to go out with some friends for a delicious steak dinner. You had two options for your meal:
- Option A: A Michelin-star steakhouse with a menu of mouth-watering main courses and sides that puts a rumble in the stomach just thinking about it.
- Option B: A hole-in-the-wall joint between the train station and a crack den where you play Russian roulette with E.coli just by looking in the window.
There’s no question where you would go to dine, right?
Breast is best, but …
Breastfeeding is the best and most comforting thing for newborns. They get to eat. They are cozy and warm. They are as close to their mother as humanly possible. Breastfeeding releases oxytocin. According to a popular breastfeeding website, La Leche League International, “oxytocin’s role in breastfeeding includes causing nipple erection, increasing blood flow to the breast and to the mother’s skin (to keep the baby warm), enhancing the expression of instinctual behaviors (in mother and baby), contributing to the flow of nutrients from the blood into the mother’s milk, giving the mother a feeling of calmness, increasing tolerance of pain, and enhancing wound healing. Because of the feelings of calmness and emotional connection oxytocin generates in the nursing mother, it is often called ‘the mothering hormone.'”
When they are first born, children are not privy to the difference between a bottle and the breast. However, at around the 2-month mark, it is quite common for the baby to reject the bottle. There is no substitution for nursing and babies certainly don’t want to downgrade to some artificial nipple substitute. How on earth can we achieve this zen-like state when replacing the real thing with silicone?
I needed to come up with a meaningful plan.
Through some diligent research on the internet by my wife and my own “aha” findings, I came up with what I like to call “Six Pointers to Keep Calm and Bottle Feed Your Baby”. (Sponsorship from Six Point Brewery is pending).
1. Set the mood
Find a calm place to give your baby the bottle. Look for a place in the house where it’s quiet and dimly lit with a comfortable chair/couch for you to sit on. You want it to be a different place from where your partner or wife usually breastfeeds. Babies have an uncanny sense of things and if you try and give a bottle in the chair they usually breastfeed in it might throw them off.
Have everything you need handy before you sit down. Burp cloth and bibs for baby, and water and a snack for yourself. Turn off your phone. You don’t want any distractions during this time. (This includes your partner/wife asking you, “How’s it going?”) If you have another child in the house, find something to keep them occupied as well. A calm place for bottle feeding is imperative to success.
2. Calm your mind and body
If you are stressed or in a poor mindset, you’re setting yourself up for imminent failure. Take a few deep breaths before you sit down with your baby. Put on some calming music. Do whatever you need to do to relax yourself.
3. Smile and have fun
When you finally sit down and get situated, look at your baby and smile. This is a wonderful bonding moment and shouldn’t be a stressful war. Sing a quiet song or a silly nursery rhyme or limerick. This will put your baby at ease and make it enjoyable for both of you. Talk to your baby and let them know that this bottle they are about to have is going to be the best thing ever. Positivity goes a long way and your baby will sense it (like a Jedi does the force).
4. Be positively persistent
Your baby may reject your initial attempts to give the bottle. Be prepared for this and don’t freak out. Persist. Hold the bottle gently, but firmly, to your baby’s lips even when they shake their head and arch away. If it doesn’t work after a few minutes, put the bottle down and move it out of sight. Take this time to regroup yourself, keep calm, and remind yourself that it’s not your fault. After a few minutes, return, cuddle with your baby, tell them a joke or even make a funny fart sound. Then, again happily offer the bottle. It may take an hour for your baby to drink four ounces of milk the first time, but it will get better over time.
5. Stick to your guns
There are more brands and types of bottles on the market than there are parodies of the latest teeny-bopper hit. The key is to continue with the same bottle once you find one that works! Be consistent, and stick with it. Don’t get frustrated and start changing through bottles like Lady Gaga does outfits!
6. Cut your losses
There may be a point where your baby will not take the bottle despite all of your loving attempts. If the baby doesn’t want the bottle then, leave it be. I would recommend trying at least three times for at least 10 minutes each time to get the baby to take the bottle. Now, if your partner or wife is around, DO NOT give the baby to them to breastfeed immediately after a failed bottle feeding. This pretty much tells your baby that you’re waving the white flag and they have won. The best thing to do is to do something else for about 10 to 15 minutes. You can do tummy time, read a book or even bathe your baby. This break in the feeding action will disassociate the bottle from the breast.
There you have it Dad Army. I certainly hope this helps.
This article was first published in 2013 and recently updated. Father bottle feeding baby photo: © o_lypa / Adobe Stock.
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