Scene: 8 a.m. Early summer. Daughter’s room. Sunlight glinting through drawn shades. Daughter buried under her covers. Unmoving. Father enters. Me: Knock knock!Her: (Silence.)Me: Knock knock! Anybody alive in here?Her: (Slight shifting under covers.)Me: Goooooooood Morning! Rise and shine! It’s going to be a beautiful day!Her: (Muffled grunt.)Me: I don’t know about you, but I want to get out there and enjoy this spectacular weather! Who’s with me?!?!?!Her: Gorfmmmwm.Me: What’s that? Take your pillow off your face, I can’t hear you.Her: (Drawing pillow off … [Read more...]
We’re wrapping up dinner, passing around the bowl of string beans to finish them off because they make for dreadfully rubbery leftovers, when I make a relatively harmless remark my daughter doesn’t appreciate full stop.The mood around the whole of the kitchen table sours as her shoulders drop.She then shoots me "you’re an asshole" eyes, puts her fork down with the aggression of a gauntlet being thrown, and stops eating.It looks like she’s about to fling her chair back and flee the scene but I preemptively persuade her to stay. A small victory. That remains the full extent of the … [Read more...]
Even on her most temperamental day, my daughter knows she has a father and stepfather who are with her, all the time, all the way. With her at the starting line, with her at the finish line. It’s true on race day every spring, and it’s true in her life.
+ + +I fly back to my hometown of Boulder, Colo., every Memorial Day weekend to run in its annual 10k race. While I’m sure the "Bolder Boulder" began as an actual competitive event, it’s transformed into a mobile festival that winds through the city's most beautiful neighborhoods. My husband and I have … [Read more...]
"My children may no longer need all of the things that nobody actually needs despite the endless ads they spread across the online parenting space, but they are still kids. And I’m still a parent, hairline be damned. Are we not an audience?"
+ + +I recently turned 45, which, if you do the math, is legally dead in Internet years.I wouldn’t have believed it, seeing as I have made my living off said Internet for over a decade and, most days, I feel like I’m still breathing, albeit heavily. But the facts don’t lie.For instance, just days after my … [Read more...]
She may say she doesn’t care if kids make fun of her unshaven legs, but I say no one wants to have other kids sign her yearbook: “Have a great summer, Sasquatch.”
+ + +My 14-year-old daughter and I have the following argument every Sunday night about teen hygiene:Me: Did you do everything you need to do?Her: What do you mean?Me: You know what I mean. The list of things we talked about.Her: (grumble mutter grumble mutter)Me: It’s not a big deal. Just basic grooming stuff. We've talked about this.Her: You know, it’s really weird that … [Read more...]