What will parents in the next generation think crazy that we did as parents? You know, in the same way that I can’t believe I never wore a seatbelt when I was a kid? And not only did I not wear a seatbelt, on long car trips, I would sit on the floorboards of the backseat for fun.I also rode in cars with people who smoked … with the windows up. I mean, seriously -- come on! What the hell? Windows up? I remember on more than one occasion, running to the store and buying cigarettes for my grandpa. I was 6.I don’t see future parents reversing the trend, letting kids be alone more outdoors, … [Read more...]
I was driving my kids and family to take a Polar Express-themed train ride. We were all dressed in pajamas, including my six-foot-three father – because that’s what you do for the Polar Express. You wear pajamas.I was worried we would be late and, apparently, I was burning a bit of rubber. About 20 miles from our destination, we got pulled over. The officer saw us all in pajamas, laughed, gave me a warning, and told me to slow down.Three hours later, we were ending the train ride and Santa appeared and took the time to talk to all the kids.He got to me and asked what I wanted for … [Read more...]
1. Giving Santa All The CreditMy wife and I bust our collective asses providing for the children and making sure they have everything they need. When December 25 rolls around, I don't want the fat guy in red stealing our thunder. We still talk about Santa and I play the game every time they say something like "How does Santa deliver all those toys around the world in ONE NIGHT?" or "How does Santa fit down our tiny chimney?"Santa gives our kids toothbrushes and underwear, not the big-ass Lego set. Kids, this gift was made possible by a Danish factory and mommy's hard work. Remember … [Read more...]
As I write this, we're still one week away from Election Day -- but deadlines are deadlines! By the time you read it, we'll probably know how it all turned out. So I feel a journalist's obligation to talk about the election results, and using a Mad Libs format seemed like the only way to do it right. So grab your kids and play along!Dear America,Wowie wow wow -- that was quite an election, wasn't it? A real roller-coaster ride! But now that the votes have all been __(verb - past tense)_ and we know who our next president is, I thought we'd just check in with each other, reflect on … [Read more...]
"My children may no longer need all of the things that nobody actually needs despite the endless ads they spread across the online parenting space, but they are still kids. And I’m still a parent, hairline be damned. Are we not an audience?"
+ + +I recently turned 45, which, if you do the math, is legally dead in Internet years.I wouldn’t have believed it, seeing as I have made my living off said Internet for over a decade and, most days, I feel like I’m still breathing, albeit heavily. But the facts don’t lie.For instance, just days after my … [Read more...]